Reunions
by Ang1
Summary: You're ruining my makeup Witter....So worth it. The end of the journey has finally arrived
1.

Part One  
(Dawson POV)  
Josephine  
~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed to the person I'd just collided with.   
  
"I'll bet." she said sarcastically. "Next time watch where you're going."   
  
"I'll be sure to do that." I responded easily - everyone seemed to be cranky in   
New York. "Can I help you pick up your things? I was, after all, instrumental in   
their being all over the ground."   
  
"Thanks." she said, looking up and smiling gratefully.   
  
It was uncanny how much she looked like Josephine. I didn't think it was   
possible - I didn't even know where Joey lived. But it couldn't   
hurt..."Josephine?" I asked cautiously.   
  
Her smile tightened as she recognized me. "What are you doing in New York?" she   
asked.   
  
"I'm on a promotional tour." I paused, not sure if I should mention what for. I   
decided against it for the moment."It's been a while." I commented as I helped   
her pick up her things.   
  
"Just after graduation actually. Look - I'm sorry I didn't call. I needed time   
to think and -"   
  
"He never got over you Jo." I said softly.   
  
"He didn't?"   
  
I thought I detected a glimmer of hope in her voice, so I pressed forward. "Are   
you in a hurry Jo? It has been three years, so I was thinking coffee."   
  
She smiled. "You've changed Dawson."   
  
"Not as much as you have Jo. Not as much as you." 


	2. 

Part two  
(Joey POV)  
Changes  
~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I hadn't expected to ever see either of them again. At least - not until the   
reunion. I knew Jen had kept in touch - and told them I was okay, but I'd made   
her swear long ago never to tell them - okay, just HIM - how much I missed him.   
As I sat down accross from Dawson I was flooded with childhood memories. I   
smiled.   
  
"A smile? Jo, are you okay?" Dawson asked me.   
  
"I'm just remembering that monster movie of yours. How did you, of all people,   
end up in front of the camera?"   
  
Dawson laughed. "You mean my 'I'm gonna be the nest Spielberg' phase?"   
  
I nodded.   
  
"I was in film school, near the top of my class. I was also hurting for money.   
My parents helped with tuition but we - I - couldn't seem to make the rent and   
eat at the same time."   
  
"You can talk about him Dawson - just don't go all 'he needs you' on me." I   
said.   
  
"Well, he does. Anyways, Pace and I were walking on Campus one day when all of a   
sudden this guy pulled us over and offered us a local modeling jos at $400   
apiece. That was two months rent in our dingy little apartment, so we said yes.   
We kept up with small jobs - it was better than flipping burgers. I loved it.   
Pacey - well, it paid the rent. He wound up getting top honors at school, works   
for Regency Alliance now."   
  
"I saw it." I cut in."I know you weren't going to mention it, but I saw it and   
it was wonderful."   
  
He looked at me gravely. "You inspired him Jo."   
  
I thought about that for a moment. "So the actor turned to directing and the   
director to acting. Good for him." I thought of his first attempt at directing,   
where I'd been the star.   
  
"He's remaking 'changes'. You should send in an audition tape. If you got it,   
you'd be opposite me..."   
  
He knew - probably through Jen, that my run in 'Rent' was almost up. "How would   
I get the tape there in time?"   
  
"I'll take it - explain that I saw you in 'Rent' and knew you'd be to busy to   
come to LA for an audition. He's only watching tapes for final cut anyway you   
wouldn't have to see him unless you got the part."   
  
"Well..." I hesitated. What if I got the part.   
  
"I'd read with you - set the shots. Jen could work the cameras."   
  
I decided then. I wouldn't get it. He would never give it to me. It took two   
days to film, and then I sent the tape back to LA with Dawson, with a small   
letter for him if I made the cut - or if Dawson decided to meddle. 


	3. Hollywood

Part 3  
Hollywood  
  
I stepped off the plane and smiled. There was Pacey, calmly standing there as   
though nothing was strange about an extremely popular director waiting with a   
sign that read 'Oompa Loompa' so that I could find him with ease. Some things   
never change. I shook my head. He spotted me and grinned.  
  
"D! What up?" he shouted.  
  
I approached him. "Found you a Stacey." I told him as we slapped hands.  
  
Auditions are over D." Pacey stated as we grabbed my bags.  
  
"I realize that Pace, but it's not exactly an audition, I'm telling you I found   
the girl."  
  
"D - no matter how important you are to this film - "  
  
"Shut up Pace." I said as we climbed into the limo that was waiting for us. I   
worked really hard to get her to tape it, let alone send it to you. I read with   
her."  
  
"D - you refused to read with the final cut girls that the casting directors   
chose. Why would you - " he stopped abruptly to stare at me.  
  
"Whatever you're thinking it probably isn't far from the truth." I said calmly,   
ignoring his incredulous look. "It's Joey's tape."  
  
"She wants the part?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she does. But - "  
  
"No buts Dawson. If she wants the part its hers." he said firmly.  
  
"She made me promise you would watch the tape first - and you have to do it   
alone. I think there's a message at the end - and there's a letter for you to   
read." I handed him the sealed envelope that Joey had made me swear on my own   
soul I wouldn't read, and the tape.  
  
Pacey reached out hesitantly and took the items. I could understand his   
nervousness, he hadn't seen or heard from her in three years, despite his best   
efforts to locate her. "I'll watch them tonight." he said softly.  
  
"I'm glad."  



	4. Correspondance

Part 4  
The Message  
  
I entered my apartment quietly, dropping my keys on the counter and heading for   
the living room. I turned the envelope over in my hands as I sat in my chair.   
Scrawled on the front, in Joey's loopy handwriting, was my old Capeside address.   
I hadn't been back to that house since I'd left three years ago! Joey had to at   
least know that about me! Unless she'd written it before I left. I flipped it   
over to open it and noticed a short note on the back. I stopped to read it.  
  
Pacey;  
Please read this after watching the tape. I've included a quick message at the   
end and you really need to hear that before reading this letter.  
  
Foreheads.  
Jo.  
  
I quickly put the tape in and watched it. I had already watched the other final cut tapes, and as soon as I watched hers I knew I would be calling her in for the part. No matter how much it hurt personally, she was Stacey, and nothing would ever change that. The scene ended, and after about ten seconds of air the hot switched to just Joey. I sat back to watch and listen.  
  
  
"Hey. Well, if you're watching this, either I made the final cut or Dawson   
decided to meddle. I'm betting on the latter, or both.  
  
"I suppose you're wondering about that letter you're holding gently in your   
hands. Please don't be hurt by it. I haven't been that angry with you in a long   
time. I miss you and I hope that somehow we can be friends again.  
  
"I don't really know what happened that night. I know I should have stayed to   
find out, but I panicked, and I'm sorry. I sent you the letter because...well   
I'm really not sure why, but you need to know how upset I was; how hurt and   
angry, I'm not anymore, but I didn't want that hanging between us. I suppose   
that even if I don't get the part, we'll probably be running into each other   
eventually. Dawson made me promise to visit him." She paused and smiled softly to herself, and in a small way, to me.   
  
"Jen and Dawson will be back any minute. I hope you understand that I didn't   
leave because I stopped loving you; I left because I thought you stopped loving me. Dawson has only recently bothered to let me know that this fact is   
definitely untrue, but he refused to go into details. He was right to do that I suppose. This is probably one of those thing we need to hash out ourselves, in our own time. I'm hoping you'll tell me what really happened that night, because based on what little Dawson has told me, my assumptions were wrong." She placed her forehead against the lens of the camera, and I was surprised and happy that she had remembered the small gesture we'd shared. "I'll see you soon" she whispered softly as she reached out to turn off the camera. The picture cut out sharply.  
  
  
I stared at the screen in silence, then looked down at the letter in my hands. I placed it on the table, not needing to read it, knowing instinctively what it said. I picked up the phone and dialled the number, a number I'd dialled so many times I didn't even need the speed dial any more.  
  
It rang once. "Dawson Leery." He answered the phone.  
  
"D; call Jo. She's coming to LA." I said carefully, knowing my voice was thick with unshed tears.  
  
"Pace? What was in that letter?" he asked carefully.  
  
"I wouldn't know. I didn't read it. I'll show the tape to everyone tomorrow.   
When is she done with 'Rent'?"  
  
"Next Friday."  
  
"There will be a plane for her in New York on Sunday that she can catch for the start of rehearsals on Monday."  
  
"Deal." He paused. " Pacey, are you sure?"  
  
I was quiet. "Yeah D. I really am."  
  
We hung up, and I called the airport to charter a weekend flight to New York. I then called an old friend and readied myself to see a Broadway show.  



	5. Old Friends

Part 5  
Old Friends   
  
I looked at my best friend and smiled. "Jo, calm down."   
  
She was pacing. "He gave me the part Jen. Just handed it to me." she looked like   
a deer caught in a driver's headlights.   
  
"Of course he did! We can contemplate that tommorow though. Tonight is the big   
finale, and you my friend, have to rock." I said to her.   
  
"I know! Believe me - do I ever know. Geoff has really been cracking down on us.   
Sometimes I wish...but that's behind me now." she smiled softly.   
  
"I know sweetie." And you don't know it yet, but he will see you. I casually   
checked the clock. One. "ONE!" I shouted. Pacey was due in at one! He'd be at my   
apartment within a half-hour!   
  
Joey looked weird. "Are you okay?"   
  
No......"Yeah, just freaked. Isn't your final rehersal soon?" I asked. Please   
God let it be soon...   
  
"Yeah, but I don't want to go." Joey insisted.   
  
"You have to!" I said. Oh - too quickly.   
  
"Jen, if I didn't know better I'd say you were hiding something from me." Joey   
grinned at me evilly.   
  
Girl you have no idea - you're gonna kill me for this one..."Just go to rehersal   
Jo - you're the star, they need you."   
  
"Yeah, yeah. I just really feel like bailing today." she was stalling - and it   
was now ten after.   
  
"I'll see you after the show Joey."   
  
"You and your 'mystery guest', right? You know that if Dawson is coming you can   
tell me, right?" she said as she turned to leave.   
  
"For the last time, it's not Dawson - you'll find out tonight! Now go!" I said   
imperiously, laughing.   
  
She walked out shaking her head and stepped onto the elevator at one- fifteen.   
"Good Lord that girl can stall." I muttered darkly, entering my kitchen. I   
poured myself a tall glass of orange juice and sat at my table. Just as I opened   
the paper, my intercom buzzed.   
  
I answered it, and told the doorman to let Pacey up. Not long after there was a   
knock at my door. "Joey is going to kill me for this." I muttered softly to   
myself as I made my way to the door. I opened it to find myself face to face   
with Pacey Witter. "Hey Pace. Long time."   
  
He smiled easily and I realized that he had changed in the past few years. He   
was more at ease with himself, less worried about being considered the town   
screw-up. "Nice digs Lindley. Mind if I come in?"   
  
I moved out of the way and he walked in casually. "You know she's going to kill   
me for keeping this from her right Witter?"   
  
He turned to face me, a saddness in his eyes. "Yeah, I know."  
  



	6. Roses

Part 6  
Roses   
  
As the curtain rose one more time, I looked out at the crowd. We'd never done   
better. Geoff walked out from left stage with a basket of roses, and handed them   
to me, even as the other actors received bouquets. I nearly cried when I saw the   
mixture of four colors. I had only ever received flowers in these colors once.   
Yellow for our friendship, white for my purity, purple for mutual trust.   
Finally, red, for our love. I held the flowers carefully, remembering the first   
time I'd received a bouquet like this. The curtain fell the final time and I   
headed to my empty dressing room. I placed the flowers on the counter and   
noticed a small card buried in the roses. I picked it out and read it carefully.   
  
  
I remember...do you?   
  
A small cry escaped my lips. I quickly changed, and hurried to the party as fast   
as I could in the long blue gown that Geoff had chosen for me. He'd be there -   
he had to be there.   
  
I walked into the party to thunderous applause and inclined my head as I scanned   
the room for him. Then I saw him. He was across the room, next to the bar. My   
heart involuntarily skipped a beat and I quickly wove my way through the crowd   
to him. I slowed as I neared him, unsure of what to say. Keeping it simple, I   
spoke. "Thank you for the flowers."   
  
He turned and looked at me, his eyes searching mine. "You were great Josephine."   
he said softly. He started to raise his hand, as though to touch me, but he   
stopped himself.   
  
I smiled wistfully. He'd hurt me, yes, but at that moment I didn't care. He'd   
seen me. I was going to kill Jen, that was a fact, but he'd seen me. I hesitated   
slightly. "Are we still friends at least?" I prayed we still were. After all I'd   
done to him, I prayed we still were.   
  
He looked baffled, as though he thought it was me who still had to forgive him.   
"Of course we're still friends. So...how've you been?"   
  
Lonely, miserable, depressed..."Not bad." I responded slowly.   
  
He looked at me with that penetrating gaze of his, but rather than pursue the   
conversation, he pulled me into a bear hug. "I missed you Jo."   
  
I inhaled his scent deeply. "I missed you too." More than you know...  
  



	7. Confusion

Part 7  
Interruption   
  
I inhaled her scent and knew she was still my Josephine. She pulled back and   
looked ready to cry. "I didn't read it." I told her.   
  
"Why not?" she asked, shaking her head to push back the tears.   
  
"Well, I had a pretty good idea of what it said, and I wanted to hear it from   
you, so that I could explain."   
  
She started to mull this over, and held my hands softly as she did so. I closed   
my eyes to wait for he response. Suddenly, she wasn't holding my hands anymore.   
My eyes flew open, and I saw Jo smiling broadly - and fakely - at some guy.   
  
"Josephine! Darling! You were fabulous!" the guy said extravagantly.   
  
"Thank you Geoff! You know I'll miss it!" she even sounded fake. I shook my head   
in amazement.   
  
"Is it true you're leaving us for the flat old movies? Say it isn't so!" What   
was with this guy?   
  
"I'm afraid it is." she said, then indicated me. "Geoff, this is an old friend   
of mine. He's the director of the movie." She then looked at me and smiled. A   
genuine smile, calming the storm within my brain. "Ummm...this is Geoff Adams,   
the director of the show you just saw." she said without acctually introducing   
me.   
  
"Pacey Witter." I said to the guy, looking at Joey, confused. Why hadn't she   
introduced me? She'd given herself plenty of oppurtunity to.   
  
Geoff looked me up and down like a piece of meat, and I understood his attitude.   
"That is a fine hunk of man Josephine! Care to share?"   
  
I looked away - she didn't know how right he was. I was hers - and had been for   
years.   
  
"No." she said simply. "Give me a shout if a good script comes your way though -   
I don't plan on completely abandonning the theater - yet."   
  
"All right then! Oh! There's Jennifer, I assume you're on your way out?" he   
asked, and Joey nodded. "Ta then!" and he was gone as quickly as he'd appeared.   
  
"I don't want to hear it." she said abruptly to me, and I knew she thought I had   
a smart comment about two Joey's - which I did, but kept to myself.   
  
Jen appeared then and Joey grabbed her - hissing something in her ear, then   
indicating me to follow.  



	8. Giving In to Memories chs 810

Part 8  
Giving in   
  
I knew as soon as I saw her face I was in trouble, and I winced in anticipation   
as she approached.   
  
"I am going to kill you Jennifer Lindley." she hissed, then turning to Pacey,   
she indicated to him that he should follow, which he did.   
  
We stopped briefly at her dressing room to grab her flowers and then headed out.   
Joey hadn't said anything more yet so I knew I was in for a nice long talking to   
unless I came up with something fast. "Jo - I'm sorry. He called and wanted to   
see the show - and - "   
  
"Not now." Joey said sharply. "Not in front of him."   
  
I thought about that as Joey gave our cabbie her address. She didn't want him to   
think she was mad for him being there. She was only mad that she wasn't   
warned...   
  
Pacey spoke calmly when we took off, but sounded genuine."Um, would it be   
possible for us to go back to Jen's? I've got this intense case of jet lag   
coming on, and well..."   
  
"No." Joey said, and I looked at her face carefully. She was struggling with   
something, but I wasn't sure what. "If you want to pass out you can do it at my   
studio. Jen is coming over to talk. Therefore you are too." she paused. "I'm   
sorry Pace. This isn't about you." she looked him full in the face over my head.   
  
  
"Anything I can change into? I'm not really in the mood to sleep in a penguin   
suit." he indicated his tux, smiling.   
  
I shrank in my seat, feeling trapped.   
  
"I think some of Geoff's things are still there." she said calmly.   
  
Pacey's eyes darted to her quickly, and she smiled. "From the last time Steve   
kicked him out." she elaborated, and I heard him exhale deeply.   
  
Their eyes met, and locked. I looked from one to the other, and realized that it   
was going to take a little bit of manipulating to get them to start talking   
honestly again. Then it hit me. She'd said his name.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@   
Part 9  
Tears   
  
I paid the cabbie and we entered the building and went up to my studio. I showed   
Pacey the guest bedroom and he went to change. "Jennifer - kitchen - now."   
  
We entered my small kitchen area. I'd partitioned it off with screens, seeing as   
it was a studio, and turned to face her. She spoke first. "Jo - he made me swear   
on my grandfather's grave."   
  
"Why would you even consider it Jen?" I asked incredulously. "You knew what   
would happen!"   
  
"And it didn't - "   
  
"Yet." I cut her off. There had been so many close calls. She knew I hated to   
cry. I'd done so much crying in the past three years - I wanted to stop crying.   
I wanted to move on - and seeing him was not helping.   
  
"Jo - eventually you have to face him. You know you might cry - you have a right   
to cry, he hurt you. I just have one question for you. In the cab - that was the   
first time since the letter wasn't it?"   
  
I knew what she was referring to as all of a sudden it hit me that she was   
right. I sat down on one of the stools and looked at her.   
  
"It was wasn't it?" she asked, sitting down next to me.   
  
I nodded slowly. "I can't do this Jen. I can't go through this - not again."   
  
"Can't go through what?" Pacey's voice sounded from the partition.   
  
My head whirled and I smiled involuntarily when I saw him. Geoff was a good foot   
and a half shorter than Pacey, so not only were the sweats too short, they were   
too tight. He also hadn't been able to find a shirt. I shook my head sharply,   
banishing the images that floated to mind. "Sharp outfit Witter." I commented,   
deliberately avoiding his question.   
  
"You're avoiding the question Potter." Pacey replied, stepping closer as Jen   
quietly slipped from the room. "Why is that?"   
  
I looked at him carfully, trying to stop my heart from interfering with my mind.   
He looked the same. Older, but the same. His hair was messy - and his eyes were   
still that sharp blue that I'd always felt could see my soul, and that hadn't   
changed. He'd also been working out. I felt a flood of emotions come over me.   
How much I'd loved him - still loved him - and how hurt I'd been when I'd found   
him with her. Tears came to my eyes, and I tried to stop them, but couldn't. I   
saw his face fall as he realized what I was thinking. He closed the distance   
between us quickly and wrapped his arms around me to let me cry.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@   
Part 10  
Painful Memories   
  
As Joey fell into my arms sobbing I knew what she was thinking, and what she   
hadn't seen. I also knew that what she hadn't seen would kill her.   
  
***  
  
It was the week after school had let out, and we were all getting ready for UCLA   
in the fall. Joey was going pre-law, and Dawson and I were entering film school.   
We'd wanted to stick together. That day Dawson and I were finishing off his   
entry project, and in the last scene, the male lead finally got the girl. Dawson   
had cast my ex- girlfriend Andie opposite me. Joey had been fine with it. But   
she didn't know we were filming that night, or that we were using Dawson's room.   
It was movie night, and Dawson wanted to surprise her with the final cut of the   
film. We'd just finished filming, and Dawson had gone to the washroom. I'd just   
gotten my pants on when I heard her gasp from the window. Andie had jumped up,   
and I saw Joey's eyes fill with tears. She hurried blindly down the ladder, and   
to her boat. I followed, but by the time I reached the dock, she was gone. I'd   
assumed she would need time to think, so I let her go. The next day, she was   
gone, and no one would tell me where.   
  
***   
  
Her sobs subsided, and she was clinging to me. I let my arms relax to hold her   
gently. She pulled away slightly and stared into my eyes. I brought my hand up   
and wiped her face, pushing her hair back behind her ears. She closed her eyes   
and breathed in and out a few times.   
  
"It's late Pace, and we're both exhausted. Can we talk about this tommorow? I   
still want to hear your side of what happened that night." she said softly.  
  
"Not tommorow, but soon. I want to show you something when we get to LA." I said   
to her, not wanting to release her from my arms.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"So you're still coming?" I said, brightening a little.  
  
"Yeah." she touched my face lightly, then shrugged out of our embrace. "Go rest   
Pace. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
I got up quietly and left the kitchen, entering the guest bedroom as Jen hung up   
the phone.  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  



	9. Long Distance Revelations of Temptation

Part 11  
Long Distance Revelation  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I was sitting on the couch running through the initial kiss scene in Pacey's   
movie with my girl of the moment when my phone rang. I ignored it, and proceeded   
to move in for the kiss. The machine kicked in, and I half listened. My lips had   
just met the girl's when the person on the other end began to speak.   
  
"D - get your ass off that couch! She caved Dawson she finally caved!" Jen's   
voice resounded through the apartment.   
  
I jumped up and ran to the phone. Grabbing it, I spoke. "No way was it that easy   
Jen."   
  
"Of course not, but how else was I going to get you to the phone? She did   
however take the first step." Jen replied.   
  
I grimaced, and looked at the girl on the couch who was glaring at me. "She   
did?" I asked slowly, while examining the girl's face speculatively.   
  
"She said his name Dawson - to him. She hasn't said his name since - well you   
know. She wouldn't even let me say his name around her."   
  
I thought about that as I continued to look at the girl. "I admit - you're   
probably right, but that doesn't mean she caved Jen - it just means she's   
willing to." A sick realization began to creep up on me as I noticed the girl on   
the couch's haircut. I continued to speak to Jen, as I searched for a recent   
photo of her."Get Pacey to work at it. Once she cries in front of him they're   
well on their way. They really need to talk about it though."   
  
I found the photo as Jen spoke. "Dawson, Joey has changed a lot in three years.   
Crying is not as much of an event for her any more. In fact, there will be a lot   
of crying before she even admits to herself that she's completely forgiven him,   
let alone accepts that nothing happened."   
  
"You're right, but Pacey is going to mope around until this is resolved - at   
least to the point where they really are friends again. We can't afford that   
once they get here on Sunday." I looked down at the and noticed Jen's hair, then   
looked at the girl.   
  
"I'll try to get them talking before then. I'll see you when the plane lands D,   
Pacey just left the kitchen."   
  
I looked from the photo to the girl again, and managed to choke out a decent   
goodbye to Jen. We hung up and I kept staring at the photo. Pacey had been right   
all along. Every girl I'd dated since getting to California - or tried to date   
for that matter - looked like Jen.   
  
"You have to go." I said to the girl quietly.   
  
"Why?" she asked.  
  
"Just because. I'll call you okay?" I had no intention of calling her.   
  
"Yeah." she said, and left.   
  
I didn't notice.   
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 12  
Chai  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I got up when I heard the door to the guest room click shut. I walked over to   
the kitchen and found Joey pulling down two mugs and her tin of Chai tea.   
Without turning, she spoke. "How's Dawson?"   
  
I wasn't surprised that she knew. I walked to the fridge and got out the 2%   
milk, smiling a bit. "He's good." I vagued.   
  
"Are you ever going to tell him?" she asked, turning to face me as she ground   
the tea. "It's not as though he doesn't feel the same way. I could see it in his   
eyes when we went for coffee last week."   
  
"Yeah, but he's just starting to realize it himself." I said, pouring the milk   
into the mugs. As I placed them in the microwave, I shook my head. "That's not   
why I'm in here Jo. Besides, I still have to deal with Micheal." I grimaced.   
  
"Jen - it was one date. The guy is a loon. If you don't tell him you're coming   
to LA with me, he'll find another girl to terrorize." she paused as the   
microwave beeped. Extracting the milk, she added the tea to each mug and we   
headed over to one of her many couches. "As for the other - I'm not sure. It   
felt so good to start talking about it. Even if I only cried on his shoulder.   
It's been three years Jen - and I never had closure because I cut myself off   
from him. I don't know what happens next though. He's over me, just wants to be   
friends. I want more, but I can't have it. I guess I'll have to wait until LA to   
find out."  
  
"LA? Are you willing to wait Jo?" I asked as she sipped he tea.  
  
She smiled softly. "I have to be. He wants to show me something when we get   
there, and I don't think I should push it until I see it."  
  
Is he NUTS? She'll never forgive herself if he shows her that tape before they   
talk."Talk to him Jo. You're both going to be very busy in LA, and you have to   
clear the air between you before you work together. You know I'm right."  
  
She nodded, and we sat in silence for a while. "You're right." she said so   
softly I wasn't sure I'd heard her right. I finished my tea. "In the morning   
though. He needs to sleep - and so do I." I'll see you tommorow night though -   
Lush - at nine?"  
  
I put my mug down. "I'll drop his duffel by before I go to work. Don't worry,   
I've still got that key you gave me when you went to visit Bess last year."  
  
"Thanks Jen." she said, and I left her there.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ ~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 13  
Bacon  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
When I woke up the next morning I inhaled deeply. There was bacon cooking. I got   
up and saw my duffel bag sitting on a chair in the corner. Jen must have dropped   
it off. I dressed in a pair of green ER pants and a t-shirt and walked over to   
the partitioned kitchen area. There I found none other than Joey cooking.   
"Smells good." I commented lightly.  
  
"Surprised?" she inquired. "Coffee is in the cabinet next to the fridge."  
  
I walked over and opened the cabinet to find what was probably equivalent to a   
Starbucks' supply of coffee. "Could you have any more coffee Jo?" I asked   
sarcastically. "Or are you trying to start a new coffee shop in SoHo?"  
  
"Watch yourself Witter." she said, brandishing her tongs like weapons.  
  
"Oh no - it's the big bad tongs! I'd better hide!" I said, laughing. "What kind   
oh mistress of the coffee? You've got like 200 in there."  
  
"How does a Pacific Light Roast sound? It's the one with the parrot on the   
front." she replied lightly.  
  
"Whatever." I said, muttering something about crazy New Yorkers and their   
coffee.  
  
She turned her tongs on me. "Pardon?"  
  
"Never mind." I surrendered.  
  
"Good." she smiled triumphantly, having won. Then she laughed musically. "I   
missed you Witter." she said, shaking her head.  
  
I smiled broadly. "I missed you too Potter."  
  
We sat down on barstools next to the island in her kitchen, and ate quietly. I   
started to get uncomfortable, then she spoke.  
  
"Pacey - I know there's something in LA that you want me to see. But is it   
really all that important? I mean - we're both going to be busy with the movie,   
and working together with this hanging over us is - "  
  
"Jo!" I interupted her ramblings. "You're right." I knew she was. We - I - had   
to get this out of the way.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 14  
  
Guilt  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I was amazed that he'd agreed with me. "So where do we start?" I asked   
awkwardly. The casual atmosphere that had made me so comfortable with him   
earlier was gone. This was a subject that should probably have been deemed taboo   
between us.  
  
"Why don't you tell me your side of that night." he said carefully. "Seeing as   
you brought it up."  
  
I nodded slowly. "I guess it started just after we finished up with Changes and   
started on Dawson's movie. You and Andie were always hanging out, I guess I   
started to get insecure." I met his unwavering gaze. "I knew it was crazy, but   
you had so much chemistry on-set, and so much history. Long story short, I was   
on my way to movie night, and when I stepped through the curtains, there you   
were - getting dressed. Maybe I jumped to conclusions, but admit it - it looked   
bad."  
  
He nodded. "It probably did. Do you remember how Dawson made a big thing about   
that particular movie night?" I nodded, and he continued. "There was a reason   
for that. Did you ever see his entrance film?"  
  
"No. I took off before filming ended."  
  
He exhaled slowly. "No, you didn't. We'd just filmed the final scene when you   
walked in. Dawson was in the bathroom. The reason he'd made such a big deal is   
that he was going to show it to you for critiquing."  
  
I stared at him, my hand frozen in mid-air holding my coffee mug. He'd never   
cheated on me with Andie. They hadn't slept together that night. Slowly, I   
lowered my mug, ready to speak, when he continued.  
  
"You had every right to be upset Jo. You didn't know we were filming." he   
insisted.  
  
I thought about that, then looked at his earnest face. He was wrong though. I   
should have waited. I should have let him explain. I felt the tears rise up in   
my eyes again, and I fled.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ ~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 15  
Friends again  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I watched her run. I wanted to follow her - God only knows how much, but I   
couldn't. I knew how she felt. She felt the same way I did when I found out she   
was gone. I put my head in my hands and ran my fingers through my hair. Suddenly   
an idea came to me. I just had to help her realize that it was okay - everything   
had turned out for the better. I rose, and slowly walked to her door. I could   
hear her sobbing. "Can I come in Jo?"  
  
"No!"  
  
Oooooooookay..............this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. "Jo,   
please don't cry. Yeah, our lives are different now - but maybe they're better."  
  
She flung the door open. "How are they better Pace? How? I threw away the best   
thing I ever had because of a MOVIE SCENE!!! How could things possibly be better   
this way? How could we possibly be better off having had this happen?" she   
demanded.  
  
I looked her full in the face. "Why didn't you tell me you wanted to come to New   
York?" I asked bluntly.  
  
She stopped. Stopped crying, stopped gesturing, stopped everything. After a bit,   
she spoke again. "I didn't think it was important. LA was my second choice   
anyway." she whispered.  
  
I shook my head. "Jo - you never even mentioned that you'd applied to NYU."  
  
"Maybe I didn't, but that was not the point at the time. You wanted California."   
she stated simply.  
  
I looked at her strongly and she figeted uneasily. "Josephine Potter - you   
should have told me. You know that. At the very least you should have mentioned   
that you'd applied." I said firmly.  
  
"Okay! I was wrong. I admit that now - and maybe my life is good now. That   
doesn't change the fact that I gave up the best thing in my entire life over a   
movie scene Pacey. A movie that I never saw to be exact." she said softly. "It   
doesn't make it so that we're friends again."  
  
I took that information in as calmly as I could. Friends. That's all she wanted   
now. She just wanted to be friends. "I think we already are Potter." I   
responded. "I don't think we ever really lost the friendship - just put it on   
hold for a while."  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@   
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 16  
As much as possible  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Friends. I'm destined to be a perpetual friend to the love of my life. Tho the   
only man I will ever want to be with. Great. Just great. Friends. So much for   
true love. "So we're friend then?" I asked calmly.  
  
"Yeah. We are."  
  
I smiled wanly. "Okay then. I suppose I should get dressed."  
  
"Why? Are we going somewhere?"  
  
"Well, we have only two full days in New York before catching that jet you   
hired. I want to be a tourist for those two days since I never took the time   
when I got here. I'm thinking we can start at the Statue of Liberty and wing it   
from there. We don't have to be at LUSH until nine, but we should dress for the   
club since I want to be at this tourist thing all day."  
  
"Right." he said, and turned to the guest room.  
  
I entered my room, closed the door and walked over to the closet. I flipped   
quickly through my club outfits, trying to find one that I could wear all day   
and not be uncomfortable. I settled on a pair of tight black pants that stopped   
at my ankles, a blue sarong and one of my blue halter tops.  
  
I finished off the outfit with a plain black choker and big platinum hoop   
earrings. I changed my navel ring to a platinum one with a blue sapphire in it,   
and pulled my hair up with my favorite black chopsticks. I grabbed my ankle   
length black cardigan and left my room, not allowing myself time to cry.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 17  
Temptation lurks  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I entered the guest room and opened my suitcase. I allowed myself only the   
briefest moment of dwelling on the fact that the love of my life was now   
destined to be my friend. I had to admit that anything was better than the   
nothing we'd had for the past three years, but still - this just proved it. True   
love was for suckers.  
  
I grabbed the first decent clothes I pulled out of my suitcase. A pair of black   
pants, a royal blue shirt, and a black belt with a simple silver buckle made up   
the outfit, and my thick sterling chain showed slightly above my collarbone,   
which was exposed by my open shirt. I pulled on my black hiking boots, they were   
new so didn't look too bad, but I knew we would be walking around all day. I   
shrugged on my black leather duster and stepped out of the room just as Joey   
stood from slipping on some sandals at the front door.  
  
She was also in black & blue.  
  
"How on earth could you have known I would wear black & blue Witter?" she asked   
maliciously.  
  
"Relax Potter. It's not like I had a large set of options." I said.  
  
"Right. Not that you don't look great! I just - I thought - I was surprised."  
  
"No problem." I eyed her own outfit."You don't look so bad yourself. Should we   
head out?" I stepped nearer her and noticed a blue glint in her navel. "When did   
you get that pierced?"  
  
She flushed and fingered it lightly. "About a year ago. Geoff dared me to do it   
- that's why his eyebrow is pierced. I said I would do this if he got his   
eyebrow done. He did - so I did."  
  
I acted purely on impulse, forgetting our earlier decision about friendship   
only. "May I look?" I stepped right in front of her.  
  
She nodded mutely and I sank to my knees for a better view.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ 


	10. Keep it Together or Sinking

Part 18  
Keep it together  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I could feel his warm breath on my stomach and I closed my eyes, thinking of the   
last time he'd been this close to me. I could feel the warmth of his fingertips   
as they touched my skin, framing my navel. He touched the piercing and I felt a   
shock course through my body. I still wanted him.  
  
Shaking my head I stepped back abruptly. He didn't want me thhough. "Let's go."   
I choked out.  
  
He rose slowly. "Right." he indicated the ring. "It's nice."  
  
"Thanks." I led the way out of the building and hailed a cab. We got in and sat   
in near silence.  
  
~~~@  
  
We spent the day as tourists, returning to old habits of insult and retaliation.   
I guess it was safer that way. We didn't touch, and the conversation was   
carefully chosen it seemed. We talked about various events that had happened to   
us over the three years since we'd last talked, but never once did we mention   
that night.  
  
I wanted more - so much more as we walked up to LUSH that night.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 19  
Entry  
  
Jen walked up to us with Geoff and Steve, her eyes wide at our similar outfits.   
She said something to Geoff and he glanced at me sharply. I nodded, feeling bad   
that I hadn't told him about Pacey the previous night.  
  
Once they had reached us, Steve shouted out above the roar of the crowd.   
"Josephine!"  
  
I grinned. "Steven!" I shouted back, pulling him into a bear hug.  
  
"Let's head in." he said. "Everyone came to wish you well."  
  
I groaned. "Didn't I mention something about small? Because I could have sworn I   
mentioned small Steve."  
  
"The club is small. Be thankful you didn't leave us enough time to book T-dome."   
Geoff categorized for us.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" Jen shouted incredulously.  
  
"We certainly tried my darling." Geoff deadpanned. He twirled her around in a   
circle. "Don't you look smashing!"  
  
"Don't I always?" she replied flippantly, tossing her long hair over her   
shoulders. This was, of course, an accurate description of her outfit. She'd   
donned a one-piece black unitard and purple sarong. Her accesories were purple.   
She'd worn her amethyst hoops, as well as a clunky but long purple necklace. She   
had on a pair of purple platforms and approximately 40 bangle bracelets on each   
arm - purple and black of course. Chic as always.  
  
"Is it possible for you to discuss this inside Jo? Because there are plenty of   
non-listed types who would love your spots inside and if you really want me to   
I'll hand them over."  
  
I turned around to see Mike, the regular bouncer at the door. "We're coming." I   
held out my hand and he took it to guide me up the steps.  
  
"New flame Jo?" he asked me - indicating Pacey.  
  
I shook my head woefully. "Old friend."  
  
"You'll fix that." he said, kissing my hand while eyeing Pacey, who was staring   
blatantly at the exchange. I laughed as I entered the club to the pounding   
beats.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 20  
Possible Manipulation  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Does she have to do that to him? She's gyrating like a sex kitten - and it's   
killing him. All night she's been picking random guys - and girls - to dance   
with as though she's about to jump them right there on the floor! And she's   
doing it right in his line of sight so that it will inflict the maximum amount   
of pain on him. I watch as she begins a slow grind with the average height   
blonde guy she's been dancing with for three songs or so. Come to think of it,   
she's mostly danced with him. That's odd. As she moves lower I see what she's   
doing, because he turns towards the table. His hair is a little bit shaggy, and   
his eyes are a piercing blue. He's just a tad shorter than Joey, and if you   
ignore a few key facts, like the one that he's not Dawson, he could be Dawson.   
God. She really wants to torture him.   
  
The pain is evident in his eyes as he's dancing with some random girl. Or is she   
really all that random? I notice that the girl is quite short, with short blonde   
hair and delicate features. Not many curves on that one, which, according to   
Dawson, is not usual for him. They turn to the music and I catch the reflection   
of her green eyes. I swear sharply. He's fucking doing it too.  
  
"What's wrong Jennifer?" Geoff asks me, obviously having heard me curse.  
  
"Stupid fucking shithead. I'll kill him with my bare hands. Geoff which one of   
them started dancing first?" I ask.  
  
"They started at about the same time, why?" he asks.  
  
"With THESE partners you dolt!" I shout angrily.  
  
"She did, but had just discarded her the blond when he grabbed that girl. She   
immediately re-grabbed this one and they've been with them ever since." he   
explained. I knew he wasn't lying, he was very protective of Jo - with good   
reason. The first time they'd met she had barely been able to communicate. It   
was when she'd first arrived in New York. Before she contacted me 6 months later   
to let me know she was alive. When she was still in pain over Pacey.  
  
"Damn them!" I downed the last of my vodka-coke and slammed down the glass.  
  
"What is wrong with you?" Geoff presses.  
  
I try. "He - she - they - I - OOOH!"  
  
He nods. "Right. Whatever they're doing is obviously evil, even though I don't   
really understand why. So help them Jennifer."  
  
"How can I help them when they keep doing THAT????" I ask, indicating the two,   
whose eyes were locked in a silent duel as to who could hurt the other the most.   
Crap.  
  
"You're working with them, right? And so is another friend of theirs?"  
  
"And?"  
  
"A few missed appointments, some misheard dinner locations, accidentally locking   
them in a room together...eventually they'll give in." he explained further.  
  
"This is Jo. Jo who never ever ever gives in. Jo who pierced her navel to prove   
to you that she wasn't chicken. Think about it. It won't work."  
  
He shakes his head. "Yes, it will Jen. She wants it to. She wants it to work but   
won't do it herself - and if you do it for her she doesn't have to."  
  
I hesitate even as Pacey approaches the table with his dance partner. "What's up   
all?" he asks. "This is Candi." he introduces the girl to us.  
  
He has GOT to be kidding. Candi? "Why don't you go dance with Jo?" I suggest.  
  
"CANDI, looks tired."  
  
"Oh, no, I'm - " the girl starts.  
  
"Back off Lindley. Besides, if I even asked Jo she would remove my testicles   
with a spoon, and sorry, but I don't think so..." he trails off as Joey   
approaches with her Dawson look-alike.  
  
"Is Witter admitting that he doesn't think? By the way, this is Jason."  
  
Jason? Jason? "No Potter, I'm explaining your violent tendencies to your lovely   
friends here." Pacey interrupted my thoughts. Candi and Jason moved away,   
intimidated, and began dancing with one another on the other side of the dance   
floor.  
  
"I'm not violent Witter, I'm defensive." she stated. "And you just cost me my   
dance partner."  
  
"Oh poor baby." he deadpanned. "Little Joey scared her partner away." he glanced   
over to see Candi with Jason. "Mine too it seems."  
  
"Not my fault Witter, she must have seen your hair."  
  
"Or your fangs."  
  
"STOP IT!" I shouted. "You're friends now, remember?"  
  
They eyed one another warily and nodded. "Do you see what I mean Geoff?" I asked   
him.  
  
"They're impossible." he agreed.  
  
I grinned at the two, who were eyeing me evilly. "You know, you're absolutely   
right." I say to Geoff cryptically.  
  
"I am?"  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
"Then I'll help" he offers.  
  
"Thanks." I reply, getting a quizzical look from Joey and Pacey alike.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ ~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 21  
The shit hits the fan  
  
Sitting on the plane to LA I couldn't help but worry. How was I going to work   
with her? Every time she looks at me with friendship in her eyes it kills me -   
literally kills me. But she obviously moved on, because if she hadn't, she   
wouldn't have jumped straght to friends. Not if she really loved me. She would   
have said friends, for now...or friends, until this is resolved...but not just   
friends. No, she wouldn't do that. She has to know how much this is killing me!   
I'm completely and totally in love with the female lead in my movie. And she's   
opposite my best-friend, her ex-boyfriend, the infamous Dawson Leery. The shit   
has certainly hit the fan.  
  
Jen hung up the flight phone and Joey spoke without glancing up from her lines.   
"How's Dawson?" she asked.  
  
"Fine." Jen answered simply.  
  
I blinked. "How could you possibly have known she was talking to Dawson? You're   
sitting at the back of the plane, supposedly reviewing your lines, and I'm   
sitting up here with her - I didn't know who she was talking to, why do you?" I   
asked her.  
  
"The only person she would call right now is Dawson. I just assumed."  
  
"And if it had been someone else?" I pressed.  
  
"It wasn't." she stated simply, turning back to her script.  
  
"It could have been. You assume to much Potter."  
  
Her head snapped up, eyes flashing. I knew that would get her. "You don't assume   
at all though, so I suppose we balance out fairly well Witter." she smiled   
tightly. "Maybe if you used your brain instead of other small organs you   
wouldn't have such a hard time picking up on the subtleties of life."  
  
That was low even for her. Of course so was my 'assume' comment. "That must be   
your problem." I snapped.  
  
"I firmly hold that it is the men of the world who think with their libidos, not   
the women." she smiled.  
  
Jen was rubbing her temples, probably trying to think of a way to shut us up.   
"It's been a while for you, hasn't it Jo?"  
  
"Not particularly, but your singe-mindedness on the subject suggest that it has   
for you." she deadpanned.  
  
"SHUT UP!" Jen broke in. "Just. Shut. Up. You both know exactly how long it's   
been for the other so shut up!"  
  
Joey is obviously floored. Her mouth opens and closes in astonishment. I'm   
frozen. I focus on the world moving by at a rapid pace out the window as it   
dawns on me that Jen just told Joey that I hadn't made love to anyone since her,   
and that Joey hadn't made love to anyone since me. What could have held her   
back? Is it possible, even just a little, that she still loves me?  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 22  
Sinking  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
Oh.   
  
  
My.   
  
  
God.   
  
  
He - I -   
  
  
oh.   
  
  
my.   
  
  
god.   
  
  
I sit in my chair, frozen.  
  
  
I can't move.  
  
  
I can't speak.  
  
  
I think back to that night. It was two days before I found him with Andie.   
  
  
Only I didn't find him with Andie.  
  
  
It was the most amazing feeling I've ever had in my life. At that moment, I knew   
nothing could ever come between us. I realized in that moment that it didn't   
matter what I said, or did, or tried, everything I was was for him - and had   
been for a very long time. I haven't been able to be with anyone else since that   
night.  
  
  
I figured he must have.  
  
  
I thought he was with Andie.  
  
  
He wasn't with Andie.  
  
  
He wasn't with anybody.  
  
  
Oh.  
  
  
My.  
  
  
God.  
  
  
I mouthed the lines to my script as I thought about what to say to him. How   
could I even talk to him? Look at him? I was nothing to him.  
  
  
How can we be friends now? How is it even possible for us to be friends now?  
  
  
I think back to the feeling of his hands on my skin. He was so gentle, so   
loving. Always so loving.  
  
  
Why couldn't I trust that? Why did I run?  
  
  
Why couldn't I believe that he would never tear me in two like he did?  
  
  
Only he didn't.  
  
  
I did that to myself.  
  
  
If I had only waited.  
  
  
I haven't felt whole since that night.  
  
  
I thought I could again, once I saw him, once I found out what happened.  
  
  
Except I can't.  
  
  
I can't ever be whole again.  
  
  
Because I couldn't bear to hurt him.  
  
  
Not again.  
  
  
I hurt him.  
  
  
I hurt him because I didn't trust that he would never hurt me.  
  
  
I hurt him.   
  
  
I can never be forgiven.  
  
  
I told myself that I couldn't hurt him. That's why I didn't send the letter when   
Geoff told me to.  
  
  
Because it would hurt him.  
  
  
Even though he had broken me in two, I couldn't hurt him.  
  
  
But I did.  
  
  
I couldn't hurt him even though he betrayed all my trust in him.  
  
  
But he didn't.  
  
  
And I did.  
  
  
I hurt him.  
  
  
I can never be forgiven.  
  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@   



	11. A Cry for How to Help

Part 23  
A cry for help  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Oops. I wasn't going to mention that. They were just being so damn frustrating   
though! I had to shut them up somehow. Now Pacey is sitting quietly, staring out   
the window, finally realizing that he's the only one she's ever been with. He's   
starting to realize that she's still in love with him, the way he is with her.   
HE is starting to get it.  
  
She isn't.  
  
For three years she's been convinced that he betrayed her. Now she not only   
knows he didn't, she knows he's still been faithful to her.  
  
And it's killing her.  
  
She thinks it's all her fault - and that's my fault.  
  
She's not seeing that based on the information she had she had a right to be   
angry. She's wallowing again - just like she did before.  
  
Only differently, because now she's blaming herself.  
  
I pick up the phone again, knowing that she won't notice, and that he won't   
understand what I've done.  
  
It rings once.  
  
"Yeah?" the voice on the other end asks.  
  
"Hey. It's me." I say.  
  
"Jen? What's wrong?"  
  
"She needs you. We'll be at Dawson's in LA."  
  
"I'm on my way out the door. What happened?"  
  
"I let it slip."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"I know. They just - " I stopped, the tears welling up in my eyes.  
  
"It's too late now. I can guess what happened. I'll see you when I get there.   
You'll bring Dawson?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Deal."  
  
We hang up, and I wipe my eyes. I was so close! How could I slip up like that?   
She didn't need to hear that!  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 24  
She's Falling Apart  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
The plane lands, and Jen steps off, looking as sophisticated as ever. My breath   
catches until I see her face. She's worried. She approaches me and pulls me into   
a tight hug. "Call it off." she whispers forcefully.  
  
"What?" I respond.  
  
"Just do it Dawson. I'll explain when Jack gets here."  
  
Why would Jack be coming? I whip out my cell and dial the limo driver that was   
going to take Pacey and Joey to a private dinner. I tell him that plans have   
changed, and we will all be going back to mine and Pacey's building. Then Jen   
informs me that I'm sharing a limo with Jo instead of her.  
  
"It's important Dawson." is all she offers.  
  
I nod, confused, and look over at Joey and Pacey. Pacey is staring off into   
space, a dreamy smile on his face, but Joey's face is drawn, troubled. She looks   
like shit. I walk over. "Joey?"  
  
She looks up at me with flat eyes. "Hey Dawson."  
  
I glance up briefly and notice various members of the entertainment press   
gathering at the doors, waiting for us to make our way to the limo. "Would you   
do me a small favor?"  
  
She closes her eyes.  
  
"Pretend to be happy for a bit while we make our way through the press lines to   
the limos?"  
  
She doesn't answer, but she straightens her posture and pastes a broad smile on   
her face. Her eyes are still flat, but it's a very good show none the less.  
  
As we exit the airport, the press surrounds us, leaving Pacey and Jen   
essentially alone, though not far behind. "Who's the girl Dawson?" one of them   
asks.  
  
"This is Josephine Potter. She's playing opposite me in 'changes'." I explain.   
"That's Pacey Witter's next project."  
  
They all nod enthusiastically as we get closer to the limo. "Josephine, how does   
it feel to be working with Dawson Leery, the latest, greatest acting sensation?"   
another presses.  
  
She laughs lightly, and I glance at her hopefully, but her eyes still haven't   
changed. "Like old times." she answers.  
  
"Why is that?"  
  
"We're old friends." she elaborates as we climb into the limo.  
  
Once inside, I turn her sad face to me. "What's up Jo?"  
  
"Dawson?" she asks, looking very lost and confused.  
  
"Right here." I answer.  
  
"Oh God!" she cries out, clinging to me.  
  
I let her stay there as the limo makes it's way through the streets of Los   
Angeles. We arrive at my building a bit ahead of the other limo, and I take her   
up to my apartment, letting her go straight to the guest room. I glance in and   
she's curled up in the lazy boy chair in the corner of the room, rocking back   
and forth slowly.  
  
I leave her there, hoping that Jack's plane comes in soon so that I can figure   
out what happened to my best friend.  
  
My phone rings, and I answer it absently. "Dawson Leery."  
  
"You're perky." the voice responds.  
  
"Hey. Did you get any details yet?"  
  
"No, but I've got a few wild ideas. You?"  
  
"None. When do you land?"  
  
"Two hours."  
  
"See you then."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
We hang up and I call Pacey's to set up a 'dinner' with Jen in an hour, so that   
we have time to swing by the airport and pick him up.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 25  
How to help  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
As I'm sitting in my first-class seat, I think about the night my dad called me   
because there was a distraught brunette on his doorstep.  
  
"She's freaking out." he'd said. "And she doesn't know where your apartment is."  
  
I'd hurried to his Manhattan apartment, and found her on his couch, rocking back   
and forth silently, staring into space.  
  
I'd walked over, and extended my hand. She closed her eyes in relief when she   
saw me. When we'd arrived back at my apartment, my friends Geoff and Steve were   
still staring blankly at the door I'd rushed out of so quickly. Upon seeing her   
they'd eyed me suspiciously, and then had softened, realizing how hurt she was.   
I'd seated myself next to her on the sofa. "What happened Joey?" I'd asked.  
  
She had looked at me blankly, panic evident in her eyes. "Pacey - Andie -   
Dawson's bed - I - uh - I -" she began to hyperventilate.  
  
Steve had shot up, grabbing her a paper bag. I kept them handy because my   
boyfriend James was prone to panic attacks.  
  
What could Andie and Pacey have done? Steve had given Joey the bag, and she   
seemed to be recovering. She lowered the bag. "I found Pacey in Dawson's bed   
with Andie." she said slowly, as though still processing the sight herself. "He   
was putting his pants back on Jack. He cheated on me. WITH HER!!!" she started   
to scream, as though she had forgotten we were in the room with her. She stood,   
pacing the room as she ranted. "He KNEW how insecure I was about her. About how   
close they were to one another. He KNEW, because I TOLD him. I TOLD HIM!!! And   
he still - he still - " she collapsed sobbing into the chair.  
  
I was in shock. This was not something I figured Pacey would do. Then it hit me,   
and I looked at Joey, knowing she could never really handle the truth. Someday,   
maybe, but not yet. Especially not with school in two months. So I comforted   
her, and introduced her to my friends, and we helped. So did James, once he got   
home.  
  
We helped her cope with Pacey's betrayal, even though Jen confirmend to me a few   
months later that there hadn't been a betrayal.  
  
I thought about all of this as I stepped off the plane in L.A., to be greeted by   
Jen and Dawson. I thought about how she was finally haveing to go through it,   
and how I was finally going to have to help her the way I should have all those   
years ago, when the pain was fresh.  
  
"Hey Jack." Jen said, pulling me into a hug.  
  
"I'm sorry I missed the party last night." I apologized. "James' father was in   
town."  
  
She nodded. "You're here now. Let's go to dinner and I'll try to explain what   
happened. It's been a long couple of days."  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ 


	12. Spit Out your Intentions

Part 26  
Spit it out  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I looked around the table hesitantly.  
  
"Jen, if I'm going to help her, I need to know. Spit it out." Jack told me   
bluntly.  
  
I nod. "It was sort of my fault. I'd just gotten off the phone with Dawson, and   
- " I noticed Jack's eyebrows go up and realized it didn't really matter what   
precisely happened, just in general. "So yeah. They were bickering, and it sort   
of got vicious. Pacey accused Joey of assuming too much, she took it the wrong   
way and they each blamed it on...well, they..."  
  
"Jen, don't stop now just because you don't want to talk about it." Jack   
pressed, and Dawson nodded in agreement.  
  
"He blamed her assumptions on a lack of sex, okay? He brought sex into it. She   
basically responded in kind and to keep it from getting too hurtful I told them   
to shut up because the last time for each of them was each other and they both   
knew it."  
  
Jack whistled softly.  
  
Dawson's eyebrows shot up. "How would that send Joey into that kind of state   
though? Jen, she's practically off the deep end."  
  
"It was bound to happen eventually Jen - it was bound to come up. You know her -   
she's the queen of safety." Jack said, consoling me.  
  
I nod. "I know that Jack - but you have to admit it would have been easier on   
her if it hadn't only been two days after she found out about Dawson's movie."  
  
"What's this? What movie? I haven't made a movie since -" Dawson paused. "You're   
kidding me. She found them in MY HOUSE???? I knew she thought Pacey had cheated   
on her with Andie, but I didn't realize it was because of MY MOVIE! God! This   
could have been solved years ago!"  
  
I shook my head. "She wasn't willing to hear it before now Dawson. And she   
wouldn't have talked to you - or watched the movie. Trust me. There is no way   
she would have listened any sooner."  
  
Jack was glancing at his watch. "We'd better go - if I'm gonna get her to go to   
work tommorow I'm gonna need some time."  
  
I nod, and we pay for our meal. When we get to the apartment building, I head   
for Pacey's while Jack and Dawson continue to Dawson's.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 27  
Intentions  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
I hurt him.  
  
I abandoned him.  
  
I abandoned the love I held so deep.   
  
I abandoned his love.  
  
I look up and notice that I'm not alone. "Hey." I say softly.  
  
"Hey. What happened?" he asks.  
  
"I was wrong. I hurt him."  
  
"He'll get over it."  
  
"Will I? How can I ever make this up to him? How can I ever forgive myself?"  
  
"It takes time Jo."  
  
"I don't have time Jack. I have to go to work for him tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah. He's your boss Jo. Just respect that. I'm not leaving until you force me   
out, but you don't have to let him in if you're not ready for him to be there."   
He pauses, thinking. "Of course, even if you do try to throw me out, I probably   
won't leave. No one expects you to be okay with this right away - not even him.   
Just go and do your job. You didn't get this job because of connections, you   
got this job because you know this part inside out. He wrote this part for you   
just go be her. Leave Joey in your trailer until you're ready to bring her out."  
  
I nod. "Suck it up and do my job?"  
  
He smiles. "Not exactly. Just be professional. You're an actress here to act a   
part; don't let your personal problems interfere with that. Don't abandon them   
either, just don't take them to work."  
  
"I don't think I can do that. Not with him."  
  
And I can't. Seeing him, knowing what I've done to him. I wrecked him. I   
betrayed his trust by not trusting him. I feel the tears well up in my eyes.  
  
He kneels next to me. "Yes you can. Because you're Josephine Potter; and you   
never back down from any challenge. You got your navel pierced to piss Geoff off   
Jo; you can do this."  
  
"But - I - he -  
  
"Just treat him like a director."  
  
I nod. I can do this. Just another project; just another director.  
  
Except it's not.  
  
And he's not.  
  
I can try to do this.  
  
No matter what I need to do this,  
  
I can't afford to let him down again.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
  
  



	13. Just Another Day of Schemes

Part 28  
Just Another Day  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
  
"Potter and Leery are in makeup; they'll be ready on set in five minutes. The   
lighting crew insists that they're in under budget, but when you take into   
account how many light bulbs, fluorescent tubes and halogen bulbs we're likely   
to go through on the shoot, there's no way they will be by the end. They're more   
likely to break budget by 200,000 or so. Makeup is throwing a hissy fit over   
Lindley being here - they refuse to put her on their payroll because she costs   
so damn much - how are we paying for her anyway? This is causing a problem   
because your precious starlet won't let any of our tech's do her makeup. Where   
did you find that little diva? Anyway, they're at odds. The sound crew -"  
  
"Andraia?" I interrupt my assistant and she pauses mid-sentence. "What are the   
chances that anything you have to tell me right now is good news?"  
  
She scrunched her face, running silently through her list. "Coffee is hot?" she   
tried.  
  
I sighed and covered my face with my hands dejectedly. "Great. That's great!   
Would you mind getting me a coffee - and if the heads of the crews have any   
problems they want me to know about - tell them to talk to me. You don't need   
that shit any more than I do, but it is my job, so I'll deal with it."  
  
"Thank you Mr. Witter!" she said, scurrying off.  
  
"It's PACEY!" I yelled at her retreating back. When did I turn into Mr. Witter?   
That's my father. Not me. I'm only 22 years old for fuck's sake. How many times   
do I have to tell that girl that my name is Pacey? I've known her since I moved   
to California with Dawson. She used to call me Pacey. And then I gave her a job.   
Now I'm freaking Mr. Witter. Mr. Witter is my father. I saw Joey and Dawson take   
seats in their director's chairs just off set and breathed a sigh of relief. At   
least wardrobe didn't have a stick up its ass. They looked perfect. The money   
I'd poured into wardrobe had not gone to waste.  
  
I became the director then, a hat I'd come to love in the past three years. No   
longer was I Dawson's sidekick; here I was the boss. "Alright people. Here's the   
thing. We're only about a hair short of breaking budget - and it's the first   
day. Let's try to get this right the first time. The more delays we have; the   
more this costs." I sat down in my chair. "Let's can some film today if we get   
the chance. I want three good takes of each scene for camera angles, if I can   
avoid taking anymore that would be fantastic. Everyone, you know the scene. Dan   
McKinley's wife just died."  
  
"Joey, and you've taken over all accounts that require a senior partner -   
including the Coughlan account. Everything else has been delegated to the junior   
partners with you as a consultant. You're running late from a meeting with one   
of your clients to meet one of McKinley's clients, who you've heard hates   
dealing with women; but you're part owner of the firm; hell your name is on the   
stationary. It never even occurred to you that the client would be your ex, let   
alone The Ex. You never thought you would see Noah Coughlan again. Got it?"  
  
Joey nodded and took her place.  
  
"Dawson. You've been dealing with McKinley & Logan for eight years now. You like   
the firm - you don't want to leave. You have an exclusive contract with them   
that specifically states that a senior partner is to be in charge of every   
single campaign. You know that there are only two senior partners, but you never   
bothered to find out who Logan was. You have dealt solely with McKinley since   
day one, but you've kept it strictly business. You made it clear at the start   
that you didn't really care for company socials or if he was having problems, as   
long as you got your copy on time. All you know is that the meeting should have   
started 15 minutes ago and now you're pissed - until you see that it's her. Same   
reaction as Joey's, you're stunned. She's the reason everyone you deal with is   
male. Yes, you have women working for you, yes, they move up in the company; but   
everyone knows that you will never associate with them outside of the conference   
room. They don't know why though. It's because of HER. The Ex. Stacey Logan, the   
woman who took your heart and holds it still."  
  
"I know this Pace. We've gone over it. She wrecked him - and now he has no   
choice but to accept that she's back because he can't very well put his   
advertising on hold until McKinley is ready to go back to work. She's the only   
other senior partner. She's learned the file. She knows the client." Dawson   
smirked as he took his place on set, followed by the actors playing the various   
associates and junior partners as well as the Coughlan assistants.  
  
"Let's just get this in the can D." I paused. "Action."  
  
Noah tapped his pen impatiently, glancing at the clock. 10:15. The associates   
looked at him nervously and he twirled the pen a few times.  
  
"Cue Stacey" I whispered.  
  
The door opened and Stacey Logan entered the room. "Sorry I'm late Mr. Coughlan,   
I was in another meeting." she said, slightly distracted. She looked at him and   
their gazes locked. Stacey froze in place.  
  
Noah sat up straight. "Stacey?" he asked, bewildered. "What are you doing here?"  
  
She placed her attaché case on the table calmly. "Laura McKinley passed away;   
Daniel and I decided it best he take a leave of absence. I'm covering the major   
client files until he gets back." she sat and removed a thick file from her   
case, opening it to glance at the figures. "You've done well for yourself Noah,   
she said softly. "These numbers are incredible."  
  
"They're just numbers." Noah sidestepped carefully.  
  
"They're fantastic numbers."  
  
Noah shook his head. "Enough numbers. You have the latest story boards Miss   
Logan?"  
  
She looked hurt, but came out of her daze. "Yes Mr. Coughlan, we do. Dan   
finished them about four days ago. Whitney, would you mind?"  
  
A nervous looking junior partner stood. "Of course Miss Logan." she said, and   
began the presentation. Noah looked over at Stacey, who was staring out the   
window, then turned his attention to the storyboards with a sigh.  
  
"Cut and print!" I shouted gleefully. "God I missed working with you Potter!"  
  
Joey looked at me flatly. "Just doing my job Witter. Just doing my job."  
  
"Keep it up."  
  
Something is very wrong with her.  
  
I intend to find out what.  
  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 29  
Schemes  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
  
Something is up with Joey. We've been on set for two days now, and she has not   
flubbed a single word or cue. She's like a machine. Pacey is raving. Of course,   
he's in love with her, so he might be biased. What am I talking about? She's   
doing a fantastic job. If it weren't for how much she's throwing me off, we'd be   
done with an eighth of the movie by now. But she's freaking me out.  
  
She's not fighting him.  
  
Even when they were together it was a constant battle for them. Always in good   
spirits, but always battling for dominance.  
  
It's like she just gave up; decided he won.  
  
It's nuts.  
  
I have to talk to Jen.  
  
Jen passes me. "Hey Dawson. What's up?"  
  
I fall into step next to her. "Not much. How's Joey doing? I'm worried about   
her."  
  
She runs her fingers through her hair. "I can't tell from one minute to the   
next. She seems fine on set though. That's what's important right now; that she   
can work with him."  
  
"I suppose so." I pause, unsure of what to say next. I want to ask her out. "So   
how are you then?" I try.  
  
She laughs a little. "If the makeup department tries to kick me out one more   
time I'm going to shit, but other than that I'm pretty good. They don't get that   
Jo is paying me herself, they keep trying to explain that they can't afford me.   
I know they can't afford me. That's why I don't contract out to projects, I   
contract out to the stars. That way the director doesn't have to worry about how   
big his makeup budget would have to be in order to pay me."  
  
I laugh because I know it's true. "I missed you Jen."  
  
"I missed you too Dawson. And don't worry about Joey so much. Jack is keeping an   
eye on her; he's who she needs right now."  
  
"I know that, but I hate not being able to do anything." I pause. "What if you   
and I went to dinner tonight? Just the two of us? We could catch up and maybe   
even plot to get those two back into a friendship groove. They're certainly not   
ready for more right now, at least, she's not."  
  
"I'd like that. If we could get her to fight him again, even a little, it might   
help her get past it all. I'm in."  
  
"Should we leave as soon as he calls it quits for the day?"  
  
"Sounds great."  
  
I smile, and she smiles back, heading to the makeup trailer as I make my way to   
my apartment set for the final scenes of the day.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
  



	14. The Assistant and Sulking

So okay, it's been a while since I gave kudos to all of my supporters and   
friends, so KUDOS! Also, please note that in part 31, Jo is in her trailer,   
being sulky (as per part 30). Thanks so much to Toni, who is helping so much   
with her many suggestions and insights. I started this story without a beta, but   
I don't think I could continue writing it without her to push me along and offer   
consistency pointers. I honestly never thought it would go this long, and about   
6 parts ago, I told myself no more than 50. That ain't gonna happen folks,   
'cause I got way to much going on here. Other than that, not much to say,   
except:  
  
Please don't sue me. I can't even afford my tuition.  
  
  
~~~@~~~@  
Part 30  
The Assistant  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
  
"Makeup wants you out of their trailer. They don't have the money to pay you and   
can't understand why you're still here." She continued on her rant.  
  
I know this. She's so annoying, I now know why she gets on Jo's nerves. I nod   
along. The girl keeps talking randomly and I see Pacey coming.  
  
"Witter!" I cut the assistant off.  
  
He glances over and smiles.  
  
The girl blushes furiously.  
  
She's in love with him!?   
  
This is going to kill Jo.  
  
"What's up Lindley?" he asks, nodding briefly at the girl.  
  
"Would you mind terribly accompanying me to the makeup trailer to kick some   
sissy ass? They just booted me. Again." I smile.  
  
He raises his hands in resignation. "Dammit! Andraia, I told you to take care of   
that!"  
  
"I know Mr. Witter, but they didn't believe me, and -  
  
"Whatever. Let's go Jen. And Andraia, would you please head over to the set and   
apologise to Jo and Dawson? I'm going to be late."  
  
"Yes Mr. Witter." She says, scurrying off.  
  
He shakes his head. "I was Pacey to her until I gave her a job." I can see it in   
her eyes. I don't know why he hasn't yet. "Oh well. So how's set life treating   
you Lindley? I mean, heck, you're staying at my place and I never see you!"  
  
I laugh. "You know me. I can live anywhere. How's the shoot coming? I haven't   
seen any cuts yet."  
  
"Fantastic!" he raves. "Dawson seems flustered, but Joey - she's like a machine!   
She's so focused." He wants to say something else. I wait. "Never mind."  
  
We arrive at the trailer. "Not never mind, what's up?"  
  
"She'll talk to the director but she won't talk to me!"  
  
He looks so lost. I smile, and place my hand on his arm. "Give it time Pace, she   
just needs time."  
  
"What's going on with her? She's hiding in her trailer and I'm worried sick." He   
says, raking his hands through his hair.  
  
"We all are Pace, but trust me on this. Jack will get through to her. Just give   
him time."  
  
And keep what's her face.... Andraia away from her.  
  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
Part 31  
Show me the Meaning  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
  
{So many words for the broken heart.}  
  
  
I lost him.  
  
  
{It's hard to see in a crimson love}  
  
  
I love him.  
  
  
{So hard to breathe  
Walk with me, and maybe}  
  
  
I need him.  
  
  
{Nights of light so soon become  
Wild and free I could feel the sun}  
  
  
  
  
"I think I'm in love with you."  
  
"You think or you know?"  
  
"I know. I've known it since the moment you kissed me and maybe even before."  
  
  
  
  
{Your every wish will be done}  
  
  
  
"I remember everything"  
  
  
  
  
{They tell me}  
  
  
  
  
"Pacey is this year's Paris, and you have to go after him"  
  
  
  
  
{Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart}  
  
  
It's my fault he's gone.  
  
I made him go.  
  
  
{Life goes on as it never ends  
Eyes of stone observe the trends}  
  
  
I miss him.  
  
  
{They never say forever gaze}  
  
  
We were going to last forever.  
  
  
{Guilty roads to an endless love  
There's no control}  
  
  
I'm in love with him.  
  
  
{Are you with me now  
Your every wish will be done  
They tell me}  
  
  
He's not here because of me.  
  
  
{Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are  
There's something missing in my heart}  
  
  
He will always have my heart.  
  
  
{There's nowhere to run  
I have no place to go}  
  
  
  
  
"You're it for me Josephine Potter. Never in my life am I ever going to hurt   
you."  
  
"Promise me Pacey."  
  
"I promise. Andie and I were over a long time ago. You know that."  
  
"Foreheads?"  
  
"Always."  
  
  
  
  
{Surrender my heart, body and soul}  
  
  
I gave him up.  
  
  
{How can it be you're asking me to feel  
The things you never show}  
  
  
  
  
"Show me Joey! Tell me! God - anything! Just help me understand why you're with   
me and not Dawson. Help me believe that you're in love with me and not him!"  
  
"What more can I do Pacey? Everything I am, everyday of my life - it's yours. I   
gave you my body, my heart, my life. All of me is yours - ALWAYS - don't you   
ever, ever forget that."  
  
  
  
  
{You are missing in my heart}  
  
  
I pushed him away.  
  
  
{Tell me why I can't be there where you are}  
  
  
I can get him back.   
  
He's mine.  
  
  
{Show me the meaning of being lonely  
Is this the feeling I need to walk with  
Tell me why I can't be there where you are}  
  
  
He promised.  
  
  
{There's something missing in my heart}  
  
  
I'm going to hold him to it.  
  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@  
Show me the meaning of being lonely, 1999 Zomba Recording Corporation; recorded   
by the Backstreet Boys on their 3rd album, Millenium  
  
  



	15. She's Back He's Mine

Part 32  
She's Back  
  


* * *

  
"You want me to do what? No way Witter. Stacey would not break down in public. You know that. I know you do. Jo said firmly.  
  
"She's fictional Jo. She does whatever I-  
  
"No, she doesn't. You know very well, she would find a good blues CD, pop it in, and lament her mistakes in her kitchen or bedroom with a mug of warm milk or chai. That is Stacey. Stacey would not freak out at him in a board room." Jo insisted.  
  
Pacey looked floored. Maybe so, but this is how it is in the script Jo. This is how I want it," he challenged.  
  
"You wanted it that way the last time too. It didn't happen then, and it sure as hell isn't ending up in the final cuts now." she stated firmly.  
  
The crew watched in horror when I noticed Pacey's assistant smirking. I walked over unobtrusively. "What's so funny?"  
  
"You know as well as I do Dawson. No one talks back to him like that and still has a job in the morning." With a fake pout she added, "And she was doing so well too."  
  
I smiled carefully, "How are you with surprises?" I asked her.  
  
She looked back at me, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Watch." I whisper softly.  
  
"GOD Potter! Are you saying that if I don't do this you're gonna bail on me?"  
  
"I never said I would bail on you Pace. I said you knew what would happen if you didn't do this."  
  
He gaped at her.  
  
"That's right Witter. I'm back. And if you go against Stacey just one more time, you're hooped."  
  
I smiled, and clapped. "Excellent performance. Both of you!"  
  
The both looked at me incredulously.  
  
So did Andraia.  
  
I turned to Joey. "Joey, hon, sweetie."  
  
"Shut up Dawson."  
  
I approached her. "We both know this project means to much to you to back out now."  
  
She bit her lip and I saw her eyes dart to Pacey briefly. She nodded.  
  
I turned to Pacey and spread my arms. "You know she's right Pace. Stacey is going to resolve it on her own, and tell Noah when it's time for him to know."  
  
He looked at Jo, then me, shaking his head. "I can't believe I'm caving to an actor."  
  
Not to an actor, you're caving to her, my friend.  
  
He raised his hands in defeat. "Set the shot for Stacey's apartment!" he shouted to the crew. "And make sure that prom photo is under the clothes in the second drawer!" He looked at Jo carefully.  
  
She smiled softly at him, and then turned to go to wardrobe.  
  
I glanced at Andraia, who was gaping at us. Pacey turned to her. "I need a coffee. Lots of sugar. Thanks."  
  
He turned back to me. "She's going to be the death of me D."  
  
"She's also going to get you an Oscar - and you know it."  
  
"I wasn't talking about the movie." He raked his fingers through his hair. "GOD!" he shouted, making his way to the apartment set.  
  
I wish Jen could have seen this.  
Part 33  
He's mine... Some has been Broadway actress trying to market her self, as a movie star has no right to talk to Pacey that way. That Bitch. Who the hell does she think she is? She's an absolute bitch. No one talks to Pacey that way and gets away with it. How dare she?  
  
I was shaking with anger as I made up Pacey's coffee just after Ms. Thang's outburst on set. "OOOOOOH!" I fumed.  
  
"Are you alright?" someone asked me from behind.  
  
I turned to find none other than Josephine Potter's friend Jeff - Jamie - Jerry or something. "If you must know. No, I'm not!"  
  
"Ookay...I'm Jack McPhee, is there anything I can do?"  
  
You can put a muzzle on that bitch - friend of yours. And keep her away from Pacey while you're at it. "Maybe." I say carefully. "You hear what Ms. Potter just did on the set?"  
  
His eyes widened. "What did she do now?"  
  
See? She must truly be awful if her friend is that scared of her. "She told Mr. Witter that if he crossed 'her' character anymore she would bail on the project."  
  
"She what!?"  
  
She told him off you dolt. How many ways do I have to explain it? I swear! Is everyone so blinded by how awful she is? "She told him off and he just took it! Pacey Witter never caves. She's your friend, do everyone a favour and shut her up!"  
  
The guy's eyebrows shot up. Okay girl. Calm down. That was probably a little over the top.  
  
"I'm sorry. Who are you again?"  
  
Andraia Smith. ANDRAIA SMITH. It's not a hard name. Why can't any of you people freaking remember it? "I'm Mr. Witter's assistant; Andraia."  
  
"Right. Angie - you have no idea what you're dealing with here, so just let it lie." He turned away and whipped his cell phone out.  
  
ANDRAIA! And I don't care what you say. No one treats Pacey like that and gets away with it. He's mine. I have invested too much time on him and for him to just let some Bitch - actress swoop in and take him from me. HE'S MINE DAMN IT! 


	16. Ready or Not

Part 34  
She did what?!?!?!?!?!?!  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ I just finished her make-up and she didn't say a word – not one word. "Are you kidding me?" Please God be kidding. "We both agreed that they need to fight again but this... Please tell me you're exaggerating this."  
  
"I wish. She julienned him Jen – or came very close. Now he's freaking out because he caved to an actor, even if it was her. And I think that she's afraid she went too far.  
  
She did go too far! My cell phone rang, and I glanced at it quickly. I looked back at Dawson, then answered the phone. "I heard. Dawson just told me. Holy SHIT Jack! What did you say to her!?"  
  
"That's just it Jen, I didn't. All I said to her was to do her job, and leave the rest in her trailer. She did this all on her own."  
  
FUCK!!! Dammit! How could she do this? Now, of all times. This is going to completely ruin everything! "Fix it Jack. Find out what happened and FIX IT, before they kill one another."  
  
I cut off my cell and looked at Dawson helplessly. "Dinner?" I pleaded, rubbing my temples.  
  
"Well I'm not needed on the set since our friends put on that scene for everyone. He accepts, draping his arm around my shoulder. "Dinner is always good."  
  
I smile, and lean into him. Good. At least they didn't ruin our plans. And who cares if the topic of discussion falls on Jo and Pacey? For tonight, Dawson is all mine. Finally. "Let's go. We can deal with the rest of this tomorrow."  
  


* * *

  
Part 35  
Whether You're Ready or Not  
  


* * *

  
I sat in my director's chair and waited for the scene to start. Then, Joey burst into the makeshift apartment we'd made for Stacey. She began her lines. "CUT!" I heard myself say abruptly when she threw her purse across the room. Then added without a thought, "That's a WRAP!"  
  
"What?" Joey shouts at me like I'm crazy, "You know I can get this tonight, Witter."  
  
Yeah, but I don't think I'm ready to see it tonight. "I know, but it's been a long day. We don't really need..."  
  
"Yes, we do – and you know it. You need this shot in the can Witter." She points around the set to the crew, who is staring at me with disbelief. "And everyone here knows it!"  
  
I think we need to talk first. "We could just as easily push it back." I try.  
  
"Pacey." She said softly, approaching me. "I want to finish the scene."  
  
I closed my eyes as she stood in front of me. "I really think we should wait." I try again, opening my eyes – her eyes searching mine – pleading.  
  
God she's beautiful. Then she smiles at me. The first genuine smile I've seen on her face since we left New York. Hell she saw it – she knows. She pressed gently. "You know you can't win this one. Please let me do this scene. Let me finish what I started."  
  
I don't want to see this. This is the reason I didn't read the letter Potter. I don't want to know how much I hurt you – How much I think, I'm still hurting you. Potter, please. I don't want to know how hard you cried, how many tears you shed. Not until we talk. Really talk. Please Potter; I'm begging you don't make me watch this yet.  
  
"You know I can't." she whispered, as though she'd heard my thoughts.  
  
I closed my eyes again. Damn her. I'm not ready to see this. I haven't had time to prepare for this. I don't want to see her hurting. Trying to hold on to my dignity as the director I tell her, "You have one take."  
  
With more conviction she says, "Not a problem."  
  
I feel her move away. I don't know if I can handle this.  
  
I yell to the crew so they know we're getting this in one take and I mean business.  
  
She bursts onto the set and my eyes are glued to every movement she makes. She throws her brief case across the room nearly missing the lamp on the end table. I flinch.  
  
She changed quickly out of one outfit for another. My god she's so beautiful. Oh God... she collapsed on the bed. I hear her voice hitch, I hated... I close my eyes tight when she says the next few lines with her thick smoky voice, "Damn him." I'm sorry I'm sorry Jo.  
  
"We were so happy." I know. I know.  
  
"What happened to that?" I don't know... I'm sorry.  
  
I keep my eyes closed. I don't need to watch... I know. I feel it. The pain... I open my eyes when I hear her last line - I could watch her walk out - I need to watch her.  
  
She was about to walk out the door when she looked off and said, "I'm going to hold him to it." She added that line, was it meant for me? - Or was it Stacey? My thoughts paralyzed me. It felt like an eternity before I could muster the one-syllable word everyone was waiting for. "Cut!"  
  
I stood needing to be alone, Andraia stopped me, "She added a line, do you want the scene again?"  
  
Walking away I yell, "That's a wrap, see you people in the morning."  
  


* * *

  
Part 36  
He promised  
  


* * *

  
I'm standing behind the set door to my apartment waiting for the cue light. Once you walk through that door Jo, you're Stacey. I take a couple of deep breaths when I her him yell, "People I want this in one shot – Don't screw it up!"  
  
The light above the door is lit and I wait until it shuts off before entering the set. "DAMN Noah Coghlan, Damn him!" I scream, throwing my brief case across the room.  
  
I walk quickly to my kitchen dropping my purse and keys on the counter and glance at machine. Two messages. "Probably Ma." I walk away, kicking of my heels when I enter my room.  
  
I change quickly out of my suit into grey yoga pants and a white tank top, then collapse on the bed. I feel the tears well up in my eyes. "Damn him." I whisper - my voice growing thick. I push myself up and reach for the stereo.  
  
The sounds of Nina Simone's 'Tell Me More and More and Then Some' filled the room, and I cross to my dresser, pulling out the picture of Stacey and Noah. It's Stacy and Noah. I have to remind myself.  
  
Walking back to the bed I finger the frame, "We were so happy." I whisper. "What happened to that?"  
  
I sit back, staring at the photo intently. I try not to think of Pacey - you're Stacey Jo. Then pull it close to my heart, closing my eyes. "He promised me. He promised me he would always be there." After a moment, I place the photo face up on the bed next to me. I stood, and before I could stop the words - they fell from my lips. "I'm going to hold him to it." I finished the scene, grabbing my purse and taking a quick look in the mirror.  
  
I left the apartment quickly, leaving the messages on the machine blinking.  
  
He said one take. We're not going to do it again. So I head for my trailer, I don't care that adlib will be on the cutting room floor. Now he knows - his turn.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@~~~@ 


	17. Chicken Shit Dinner

Part 37 Chicken shit   
  


* * *

  
Just say it Dawson, just freaking say it. "So, what are we going to do about Joey?" I ask Jen as we wait for our table. Chicken.  
  
"Honestly Dawson, I don't know. I don't think there's anything we can do at this point. She's backed herself into a corner, that she isn't ready to get herself out of, but just doesn't realize it yet."  
  
"I can't just watch her do this Jen. She's killing Pacey with every word she says." And if I keep babbling about Jo and Pacey, I'm going to kill myself. Why can't I just freaking spit it OUT?!  
  
We get seated at an out of the way window booth. "Maybe so, but we have no way of knowing how far she's going to take this. How much she's willing to show him before getting scared." She paused briefly. "But enough about those two already. It's making my headache worse."  
  
Now what? It would seem I can't just spit out the fact that I want to date her, so now what do we talk about? "So, what do meddlers, taking a break from their meddlesome habits, talk about over dinner then?" I ask carefully.  
  
"I'm actually not sure. I've been a meddler for so long I think, I've forgotten how to have a normal conversation. How does food sound as a topic?"  
  
I like food. Food is a nice, safe, non-relationship topic. So okay, maybe I don't want to talk about food. But I'm certainly not going to tell her that. I smile. "Food sounds great." I say, locking eyes with her.  
  
~~~@~~~@~~~@ Part 38 Survey says...Wrong!   
  


* * *

  
I can't believe she just freaking did that. I realize she's feeling awfully empowered today, but what the hell was she thinking showing him that? I walk up to her trailer and open the door only to see her put her brush down.  
  
"Now what?" she muttered to herself.  
  
Now, my dear friend, you get chewed out for freaking out on your boss! "The truth?" I ask her, entering her trailer to sit down near her.  
  
She whirled to face me and followed me with her eyes as I sat at her small table. "You scared me Jack!"  
  
It's about time someone did. "You deserved it. He's sitting in his trailer staring at the wall Jo."  
  
"So? It's his turn now, and -  
  
"No. It's not." You are not avoiding this one Jo. This time, it won't work out like you want it to.  
  
"What?!" she exclaimed. "You're supposed to be on my side here Jack."  
  
Wonderful. Now we're choosing sides again. I hate sides. "I am. Believe me I am. But you're wrong Josephine. Someone had to tell you that and as your friend it's my duty to do just that." I paused. How am I supposed to explain to her that she scared the shit out of Pacey? That right now he's sitting in his trailer wondering what the hell just happened? "Yes, I scared you just now, but you nearly gave Pacey an aneurysm by showing him all that anger and pain. You think he knows where you stand, but he doesn't. It's not his turn to come to you because he doesn't know if he should."  
  
"How could he not know?" she asked softly, sitting down next to me. "He's always just known."  
  
"Jo, so much of you is in Stacey. There always has been, because Stacey was written for you. Most of the time, when you're on set, you can't tell where you end and Stacey starts." I pause, trying to think of a way to explain Pacey's probable confusion. "It's different when Dawson is on set. He doesn't instinctively know how Noah is going to react to something like you do for Stacey, because Noah has too much of Pacey in him, and Dawson doesn't think like Pacey does. Right now, Pacey can't tell just how much of that little performance was for him, and how much was for the movie."  
  
"So basically 'go to him'." She said, nodding slowly.  
  
"When you're really ready for that talk, yes, but I'm not going to tell you that that's all it's going to take, because it's not. You can't get him back by snapping your fingers Joey."  
  
She scrunched her nose. "I can't?"  
  
GAAAAH! What did you think Jo? That you'd work through your issues and once you were done he was just going to be there? No! It doesn't freaking work like that! He is not at your beck and call, never has been. PACEY IS NOT DAWSON. "It's just not that easy Joey. When you first got together, it took months of you both denying it and fighting tooth and nail insisting that you hated one another. Even when you were together you kept fighting. Yes, you're in love with each other, but you've both been through so much Joey, you have so much to learn about each other."  
  
"So what? We were different then." She tried.  
  
No shit! Dammit Joey! It's just not that easy! Open your eyes! "Joey, you're both so far from where you were in high school. That's not easy to adjust to. You will find your way back to each other, I'm sure of it, but it takes time."  
  
I see tears forming in her eyes. "He's never going to come is he?"  
  
I wrap my arms around her tightly. "As much as I hate telling you this Jo, no. He's not. You have to be the one who goes to him, not because of tonight, but because you're the one who ran." ~~~@~~~@~~~@ Part 39 Alleluia   
  


* * *

  
I haven't laughed this hard in years! "What happened next?" I asked Dawson through my laughter.  
  
"Well, when they finally got their hands on Ed the eel, they tried to dump him back into the tank. Meanwhile, one of the servers is on the phone to Home Hardware, and she's like 'you're KILLING OUR FISH' to them. So the eel gets away again, flopping to the floor on the other side of the tank. And these girls in the booth next to ours are completely freaking out. They have their feet on the benches, and the one girl has her trench coat pulled up around her feet on the bench and they're both just shaking. So when they get the eel back in the tank and slam the lid shut, it just stays there, with it's mouth against the lid as though it's thinking 'just one inch, give me just one inch'. Then, the power goes back on and the eel is fine. It's like it never even happened."  
  
"That's insane!"  
  
"I know! And no, joke, from that day forward I haven't been able to go near a fish tank with an eel in it." He insisted.  
  
"Okay Dawson, I believe you." I said, smiling broadly. We fall into another awkward silence. We're thinking about them! I give up! Who cares? "We really needed to get away from their drama didn't we?"  
  
"Completely. They're too over the top."  
  
"More than we realize I think. Think about it. There's so much we don't know about their relationship. So much that they never talked about."  
  
"I suppose. You may recall that I essentially ostracized them from my life at that point."  
  
"I do remember something along those lines, yes. How are you doing with that now?" Say it's over. Say you just don't care. Please God just say you're over it!  
  
"For a long time I thought it still bothered me. Yes, near the end of high school I got sick of being lonely and said I was over it, but at the time, I really wasn't. Then it really hit me. Joey and I are friends, we always have been, and probably always will be. But that's it. She realized it long before I did though. That's how she found Pacey."  
  
It's about time Dawson Leery. "So what made you realize it?"  
  
He shrugged. "Pacey did. He harped about the girls I was dating for almost three years, and then, one day, I just got it."  
  
Huh? "Got what?"  
  
He smiled and took my hand over the table.  
  
I know that look. Say what? When the hell did he get this gumption?  
  
"Jen, would you go on a date with me? It'll probably be media mayhem, but I would really love it if you would."  
  
I could feel my grin spread quickly. "It's about time." I whispered softly. Damn is it ever.  
  
"So yes?" he pressed gently.  
  
I twined my fingers with his and nodded. "Hell yes." 


	18. Nobody Knows our Correspondances

As always; ultimate kudos to my very patient beta...you rock Toni. And hey; I don't own them, I never will, but they're fun to play with!  
ang  
Part 40  
Nobody Knows  
  
I'm sitting in my director's chair staring blankly at the set - Stacey's apartment – her bedroom. I should just go to her. Right now. I shift in my chair, preparing myself to go but then a wave of fear hits me. Self- doubt begins to creep in. I'm not sure I should. I don't think she's ready yet- really ready. No matter what she says, I don't think she is. She's going to have to come to me. I have no idea what is going on in her head right now. I can't go to her. What if I were to go to her only to find out I was wrong? God...  
  
"Hey you." A voice sounds from behind me.  
  
"Drai!" I say, turning to face my friend with a forced smile.  
  
She smiles in return. "So, how are you doing after the little starlet's outburst?" she pauses, and shakes her head a bit. "I know you don't understand why I don't like her, but come on Pace, you have to admit that she went a little far just now!"  
  
My smile dims a little. How could Drai not have noticed what I've been doing these past weeks? "The truth is, it was refreshing. Confusing, but refreshing none the less."  
  
"Sure it was Pacey. I'm sure it was just fantastic to get your face rubbed in shit by the star of your movie." She pauses. "I'm not here as the gossipy assistant tonight. I'm here as your friend. What's going on Pacey? Because the truth would be refreshing."  
  
She just doesn't get it. None of them do. And I can't explain it! Hell – I don't understand it. I've tried but...all I know is Jo and I, we don't sit down and talk about our feelings. We're too damn stubborn. I'm too impatient to sit and listen to a diatribe about my actions turned into 'I' statements, and she just hates talking about her feelings. It's that simple. "I think I missed you as a friend Drai."  
  
"Yeah, well, I got fairly caught up in the whole 'you're my boss' syndrome, Now that - that's over." She waits for a moment and I realize she wants me to explain. I don't, and she continues. "Pacey, she squashed you out there. You have to do something to show the rest of the cast and crew that she can't get away with shit like that!"  
  
"Look Drai, I can't. I just can't. I've been goading her into that since filming started. Besides, she'd notice in a second if I changed my attitude about that outburst."  
  
"Why would you do that? Why are you letting some little theatre girl walk all over you? You know, you're going to lose any shred of respect she had for you if you keep bending over backwards for her to rape you!"  
  
"Whoa. Draw in the claws my friend. You have no idea what you're talking about. You weren't there. You don't know."  
  
"Then explain it to me Pace. Explain to me why you're letting her walk all over you!"  
  
"I most certainly am not letting her 'walk all over me'. Her contract explicitly says that she gets creative control of her character. That is the only thing she has taken."  
  
"Pacey, she's changing scenes and adding lines!"  
  
"Trust me when I tell you that those changes are necessary. That change shows Stacey's character. Her determination. Drai, Jo has needed to do that scene for three years now."  
  
Andraia stares at me blankly.  
  
"It's not important why. All you need to know is that without that outburst, Stacey won't be as real to the audience. It doesn't really matter that the scene did more for Joey than it did for Stacey."  
  
"Why won't you tell me what's going on Pacey? I thought we were friends."  
  
"We are, Drai. Jo and I don't talk about it to each other. I'm certainly not going to talk about it with someone she barely knows. I'm sorry." I say carefully. I know Drai is trying to help so I add. "There's a lot of history here."  
  
"So explain it to me!"  
  
I CAN'T! I don't even completely understand it myself. All I know is I'm close. Jo's close. We're close. I'm tired and change the subject with a tone of finality. "I should get home. Do you need a ride?"  
  
"You can't run forever Pacey."  
  
"I never said I could. Do you want a ride?"  
  
"Fine." She heads for the door, and I turn to look at the set one more time. Where do we stand Josephine? What are you telling me? What do you plan on holding me to? Or were you just acting? Was that Stacey or you?  
  
"Pacey, you offered a ride? Are you even planning on leaving the building?" Andraia's voice calls.  
  
"Yeah." I call back, and turn to meet her.  
  
Part 41  
Inciting Actions  
  
This is insane. It's been nearly a month. A month! What are they waiting for? Armageddon? "Hey you." I say, walking up to Jen and offering her my hand.  
  
"Hey." She responds, taking it and leaning up to kiss me lightly.  
  
"Any luck?"  
  
She grimaces. "Not word one."  
  
"Jen, she needs to talk to him." What is going on with her? Why won't she just GO?  
  
I forgot how Jen could read my mind. "She's terrified Dawson. She knows she has to be the one who goes, but she's stubborn. She really hopes – wants – even needs it to be him."  
  
Then the beautiful woman beside me leans against my shoulder and whispers. "I think that's why she added that line the other day."  
  
We both ponder that for a second.  
  
Jen's right but... "And he's waiting for her. This is a no win situation Jen. We have to intervene."  
  
She moves in front of me leaning against my chest and asks curiously. "What do you propose Mr. Leery?"  
  
My thoughts were lost for a second, feeling her body next to mine. I grin, and pull her along with me to my trailer. "You'll see."  
  
Part 42  
Correspondences  
  
Jo  
  
Be in the editing room at seven.  
I need to run through some shots  
and would like your advice.  
P.  
  
Pace  
Hey! I want to go over some  
of yesterday's shots, could  
you meet me in the editing  
room at seven?  
J. 


	19. Lock 'n Load

[no title yet; part 43]  
  
I'll be damned if he's going to that set-up of Dawson's tonight. I still don't understand why Dawson is doing this though. He knows how I feel about Pacey. He must. I've all but thrown myself at the boy since I've met them. So what is this about? Who is Josephine Potter and why are they bowing and scraping to her diva act? They've never done this with an actress. Pacey is better than that. I know he is. My little plan absolutely blew my meagre budget to shreds, but that's not the point. There is no way he's going to turn this down. He couldn't. I walk up to him carefully, noting that he's off in his little world again. Thinking about her. What is it? What am I missing in this puzzle that will bring him to me? "CHA-CHING!" I say happily.  
  
He turns to face me. "What's up Drai?"  
  
I wave the tickets in front of his face. "Check it out. Lakers. Floor seats. Tonight. Tip-off is a 6:45 sharp." I grin.  
  
He grins widely. "Whoa! Drai, how did you get these?" he asks, making a grab for them.  
  
"I know people." I say mysteriously, pulling them out of his reach. "What do you say Pace? We haven't been to more than one game this season."  
  
He grimaces. "I can't believe I'm saying this...I can't go Drai. I've only got the studio for another week before we have to wrap. I need to catch up on the dailies, and Jo asked me to meet her about some shots."  
  
I stare at him. He's got to be kidding me. It's been a month. She has barely spoken word one to him in a month. The note isn't even from her. It's from the makeup girl. He's going to miss this to review DAILIES??? I don't think so! "Pacey. Think about this. We're talking floor seats. Hobnobbing with the stars. Lakers-Bulls. You're going to miss that to review the dailies? The dailies."  
  
"You know how important this film is Drai. I've been wanting to do this project since Regency hired me, and I've only got a week left to finish filming. I need to make sure I've got enough shots."  
  
"You need a night off Pace. You know I'm right."  
  
"I can't. Not tonight. I did the plane shots today, and I want to have everything ready for the Vegas shoot next week. Jo is worried that the shots didn't cover the whole scene, and I trust her judgement. I need to make sure before I move the cameras to the ballroom tomorrow."  
  
"Pace..." I plead. "Who am I going to go with?"  
  
"I don't know Drai, but it's not going to be me. I'm sorry." He walks away, shaking his head in obvious regret.  
  
WHO IS THIS WOMAN??? How can she possibly have this much influence on him? What is it that she's holding over him that he's giving up this ticket? Basketball is huge for him. Has been since we met. This was supposed to be fool proof! Damn her! Damn Joey Potter for whatever she did to him!   
  


* * *

  
[part 44...lock n' load]  
  
"If they catch us here they'll bolt before they get near the room." I whisper to Dawson cautiously from our hiding spot in the room across from the editing lab.  
  
He smiles at me and I can't help but shiver. He picked me. He finally picked me. "I know, but how else are we supposed to know when the get in?"  
  
"Tag them with transponders?" I quip.  
  
"Funny." He deadpans. "I'm serious Jen. We have to know they're both in there – alone – before we can lock the door." He pauses, and glances out the door. "Showtime. Here comes Joey."  
  
I peek out, and see her coming down the hall, muttering darkly to herself. I wince a bit, and smile sadly as Dawson takes my hand. I'm sorry girl. You need this so badly. I didn't know what else to do.  
  
As she enters the room, Dawson indicates Pacey approaching from the other direction. He pauses before the door, and closes his eyes briefly. This is all I can do for you man. The rest is up to you.  
  
He enters the room, and Dawson and I creep over to the door.  
  
"Alright Joey; which takes did you want to look at?"  
  
Dawson grabs the door and yanks it shut even as I'm tying the rope to the handle.  
  
"JEN!" she shouts through the door angrily. "What the hell is going on here?"  
  
"You need this Jo!" I shout as she fights with the door.  
  
"Jen, you have to let me out of here!" she pleads.  
  
I start to falter, but Dawson's hand on my arm steadies me, and I lean into his touch. "I know you don't want to hear this Joey, but you really do need this."  
  
"D – let me out of here." Pacey says edgily. "Drai got floor tickets to the Lakers game tonight."  
  
"And you turned her down to come here. I'm not stupid Pace. Neither of you was willing to go to the other to talk this – this – whatever it is – out. So we took that step for you. Now talk, because you're not getting out."  
  
He glances down at me and smiles. "I can't believe we're doing this."  
  
"They're going to kill us."  
  
His face sobers. "No, they might just kill each other though."  
  
"JEN!" Joey protests loudly.  
  
"NO!" I call back.  
  
"Are they going to survive this?"  
  
"God I hope so Dawson. I really, really do."  
  
************************** 


	20. All's Fair in Love and War

[part 45...]  
  
Great. This is just fabulous. What were Jen and Dawson thinking? She doesn't want this. She doesn't want to talk to me.  
  
Joey continues to pound on the door. "Joey." I say firmly. "It's been an hour. They're not letting us out until they're good and ready to do so. In fact, I'd lay money on the fact that they're not even out there any more."  
  
She stops, and turns. "That's not the point Pacey." She whispers.  
  
"No, the point is that they've locked us in here to talk, and all you want to do is run."  
  
She averts her eyes, and I regret my words. "It's not that simple Pace. You know it's not that simple."  
  
"Why? Why can't it be that simple?" I started this, I might as well play it out. "Joey, I know I wasn't going to come to you. You weren't going to come to me. We're both way to stubborn for that and our friends know it. So they took the step for us. Let's just do this so that we can move forward." I refuse to say move on. I'll never move on.  
  
"I can't do this Pacey."  
  
"Why not?" I cross the room and stand next to her. "I'm not asking for a lifelong truce Potter. I just want to know why you brought up that conversation a month ago and then all but cut me out of your life again."  
  
She closes her eyes. "Because you had to know. You had to know how hurt I was. You had to know that I was moving beyond that hurt." Her eyes meet mine. "I wasn't ready to go any farther than letting you know that I was going to be okay. I'm still not." She pushes past me and sits on one of the chairs.  
  
"Jo, that's an explanation of why you've been avoiding me, not one about why you brought up a conversation we had three years ago in the middle of a scene."  
  
"I know."  
  
"So why won't you just talk to me?"  
  
She closes her eyes. "Because I'm scared." She whispers. "I'm terrified of you Pacey Witter. I always have been. The way I feel when I'm near you, it absolutely frightens me. I don't know you anymore Pace, and that scares me more than you'll ever understand."  
  
"You don't know me?" I ask her incredulously. "Jesus Jo! You're avoiding me because you think you don't know me? Just ask. All you ever have to do is ask." I sit down across from her. "For you, I'm an open book."  
  
"You can't just do that Pacey. You can't just tell me that you're an open book. It's not that easy."  
  
"Yes. It is. For us, it is. You know it as well as I do. Just ask, and I'll tell you."  
  
She closes her eyes. "Okay then. I want to know everything. From day one, I want to know it all. I want to know you again Pace. Really know you, and be your friend. I don't want to just say I'm your friend and then avoid you."  
  
Everything. Okay. I'm guessing that doesn't include the fact that every single action I've taken, every decision I've made, has been motivated by the fact that I'm in love with you and want you to be proud of me? Sure. I'll just make sure to gloss over that part then.  
  
"I guess I should start in Capeside then." I pause, and she nods. "Needless to say I was wrecked after you left, but let's skip that for –  
  
"No."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Don't skip it. I need to hear it."  
  
I nod slowly. "I was wrecked, and convinced that you would come back to me. I waited on the boat all summer, knowing that when, not if, you came back, that was where you would go first to find me. I decided not to go to LA, in case you came back and I missed you. I didn't want to miss you coming back. The day the plane was scheduled to leave, Dougie and Dawson showed up and physically dragged me to the airport. They put me on the plane and tied me to the seat."  
  
"I am so sorry. I should have stayed." She whispers.  
  
"We've covered this Jo. You were hurting; you thought I had betrayed you. You didn't know. And I forgave you."  
  
"I know, but that doesn't mean..."  
  
"Yes, it does. Yeah, I hurt, but you're here now, and we're talking, so it's okay."  
  
She nods, and then smiles a bit. "So they tied you up and shipped you out?"  
  
I smile back. "Funny Potter. Do you want to hear this or not?"  
  
She clamps her mouth shut dramatically and pretends to lock it with a key. She then throws the 'key' at my head. "Hey!"  
  
She waves me on with her hand, smiling a bit more.  
  
Great. She's being cute. She's not supposed to be cute when she's ripping my heart out by telling me she wants to be my friend. "Anyways, Dawson and I got to school, and found out they somehow managed to delete our housing request. We got an apartment, that we incidentally couldn't afford, and paid for it by modeling." I glance at her and realize she's convulsing with silent laughter. "Dawson already told you about the modeling didn't he?" I ask her.  
  
She nods, and the laughter goes from silent to loud. "I'm sorry, I just – you – strutting – runway – "  
  
Laugh it up Jo. Let's see you laugh at this. "Are you saying I'm not enough of a sex symbol to be a model?"  
  
She stops laughing and looks at me sharply, and there's something in her eyes, something deep, that gives me hope. "Of course not, it's just..." she breaks and starts to laugh again. "We were eight – and I wanted to be a men's clothes designer and you and Dawson were my models..." she trails off.  
  
My eyes go wide. "You had me wear your sister's clothes!" I say, joining her laughter.  
  
We laugh about that for a while. "Moving on then." I say carefully, and she nods her assent. "So we were models, and I hated it. I'm guessing in hindsight it was the traumatic childhood experiences with the trade. I focused on school, and graduated at the top of my class. Regency-Alliance gave me a five film contract with one of the films being one that I either wrote or chose. A prime contract for a beginner, but they loved my graduate film."  
  
"Changes." She says softly.  
  
"So I thought, but they loved it so much they wanted the rights. I sold it to them for a large sum of money, that I'm not allowed to disclose, and they told me to choose another one. So I did."  
  
"That's it? Modeling and Movies?"  
  
"And basketball. Every year, except this year, Dawson, Drai and I have gotten season tickets to the Lakers."  
  
"And you're missing a game because of me."  
  
"Yeah, but this was probably more important."  
  
She smiles. "How is it that you just forgive me?"  
  
"I just do."  
  
She looks away. "It's not supposed to be that simple." She says softly.  
  
I take her face in my hands and force her to meet my eyes. "It is that simple Jo. I forgive you."  
  
"Why? I took your life away Pacey."  
  
"No, you didn't." I pause to form my response. "No, I wasn't the life of the party. But I got my act together Joey. I coasted my way through high school; I know that. I barely made it into that film school, and point of fact, the only reason they took me is because Dawson refused to go without me. But when I got there Jo..." I stop.  
  
"What?" she presses.  
  
"I did it for you." I whisper. "I worked my ass off to impress you Josephine Potter, even if I denied I was doing it most of the time."  
  
"You should have gone to the game tonight Pace." She whispers, letting the tears fall down her face.  
  
"I'm right where I should be Jo. But this isn't a one way road." I tell her, pulling away a bit. "I want to hear about you too."  
  


* * *

  
[part 46...]  
  
"Me?" I ask carefully. He is me. He'll always be me.  
  
"Fair's fair Jo. You heard about me, now I want to hear about you."  
  
"Well, I guess it all kind of starts with Jack. I figured he was the only one who wouldn't know yet, since he was with his dad in New York. I went to his dad's though, and Jack wasn't there. His dad called him, and when he showed up, he took me to the apartment he had with James."  
  
I look at Pacey and realize he has no idea who James is. "James is Jack's boyfriend. Geoff and Steve were friends of theirs; and now Jen and I as well."  
  
"Ah. So you went to Jack's."  
  
"Yeah. They let me vent for a while, and I started Law School. I wasn't doing very well in the money department, so Geoff gave me a chorus part in one of his shows. I guess it's kind of like Dawson. I caught the bug. After just one semester, I dropped out of school."  
  
"One? Jo, you've wanted to be a lawyer since you were 9 years old!"  
  
"Yeah, but I hated law. It was dry and lifeless to me. Other people didn't see it that way at school. It occurred to me that I was finding life in the theatre. I was free. On stage I could leave it all behind. The pain, the tears, all of it was someplace else. On stage I wasn't me, and I didn't have to deal with any of my own problems."  
  
"You could be happy. Even if it wasn't for very long, you could be happy." He surprises me with the accuracy of his response.  
  
I smile. "Yes. That's why I quit school. I refused to work for Geoff again for two years. When I auditioned for 'rent', I didn't realize he was directing it, and he wasn't involved in casting. I played 'Mimi' for five months, and then Dawson showed up."  
  
"The belly button ring?" he asks carefully.  
  
Right. The belly button ring. "Geoff was trying to re-neg on an agreement he had with Steve. Geoff, thinking he would be safe, declared that if I got my navel pierced, he would do his eyebrow. I grinned at him, entered the parlour and did it. That was about a year and a half ago."  
  
"You always were one to rise to a challenge." He says, smiling at me.  
  
"Yeah. That's me. Never could back down."  
  
I catch a glint in his eyes. "I have a challenge for you." He says calmly.  
  
Shit. Just say no. Can't be that difficult to do. "Oh do you?"  
  
"I challenge you to be my friend."  
  
Damn him. Damn him. Why me? Why does this have to happen to me? I should just say no. I should just tell him that I want more. I feel myself smile. "You're on." I agree, and extend my hand.  
  
He takes my hand, and we shake on it. I'm such a chicken shit.  
  
****************************** 


	21. The Ties that Bind

Part47  
  
Who does she think she is? Ever since they came out of that room last week she's been even more of a diva than before! She's treating me like her assistant! I'm not her assistant; I'm his! And more than that; I'm his friend. I'm the one he ends up with. GOD I wish I could figure out who she is!  
  
I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn towards the person. FUCK.  
  
"Hi. Andraia, right?"  
  
I smile as tightly as I can. "Yeah. What can I do for you Ms. Potter?"  
  
"Would you mind telling Pacey that I'm sorry, but I have to run to Massachusetts for a couple of days? It's a family emergency."  
  
She's up and taking up this close to the end of a shoot? "What happened?" I hope I sound concerned. Pacey is going to gut her.  
  
She waves her hand lightly. "Don't worry yourself. My brother in law called. He's freaking out. Tell Pacey that Jen and I will be back tomorrow night; maybe the day after. Thanks!" she hurries out of the studio and I can't stop the Cheshire grin that spreads across my face. This is perfect.  
  
"Drai?" Pacey's voice calls from the set, and I walk over.  
  
"Yes?" I say cheerily as I cross over. Goodbye miss perfect; hello Andraia.  
  
"Have you seen Jo? I called her trailer, and we need her on set, but she's not answering her phone."  
  
"I just saw her. She went to Massachusetts for a few days."  
  
He stares at me. "She went where?"  
  
"Massachusetts."  
  
"D!" he shouts, turning to the set and staring at Dawson who raises his hand a bit to calm him.  
  
Dawson clicks the phone shut. "That was Jen."  
  
"Why the fuck is Jo going to Massachusetts Dawson?"  
  
"Bess went into labor."  
  
Who the fucking hell is Bess, and why isn't Pacey auditioning replacements? Like, now?  
  
"D, I know it's her sister; but to go –  
  
"Four months early in a high risk pregnancy."  
  
"Why didn't she tell me?" Pacey asks carefully.  
  
Hello? Was I the only one paying attention here? She bailed. She up and left and only told the assistant. That's it, that's all. Them's the facts. The little diva TOOK OFF. Not a difficult concept.  
  
"Pace; her sister is in trouble. The only reason anyone knew is because Jen was in the room when Bodie called." Dawson turns to me. "Andraia; she told you just before she left the building, right?"  
  
I nod. "She said she was going to Massachusetts for a few days and took off." Just focus on that Pacey. She took off. TOOK OFF.  
  
"See? She probably noticed Andraia on her way out and told her, knowing that she would tell you. According to Jen, she's freaking out."  
  
NO! It doesn't work like that. She took off. I was not a conduit to tell Pacey. SHE TOOK OFF.  
  
Pacey runs his hands through his hair. "Drai; apologize to the actors and crew. Hold the shoot. Dawson and I are going to Massachusetts."  
  
He's WHAT????????? "Pacey – you can't just –  
  
"I have to. Let's go D." he says, turning and leaving the building.  
  
WHO THE FUCK IS SHE???  
  
Part 48  
Coming Home  
  
We rush into the hospital and Joey looks even more panicked than she did on the phone. I lead her to the admit desk. "We're looking for Bessie Potter- Smith." I tell the nurse.  
  
"She was sent up to surgery – 4th floor."  
  
I smile as Joey takes off for the elevator. "Thank you so much. I know this is strange, but if Pacey Witter or Dawson Leery arrive, tell them where we are."  
  
The nurse's eyebrows shoot up, but she nods, and I hurry to catch Jo as she steps onto the elevator.  
  
As we travel, Joey turns to me. "What if something goes wrong?" she whispers.  
  
I pull her into a tight hug. "I don't know sweetie, I really don't. We just have to hope that nothing does."  
  
The elevator stops, and the doors open as we hear Bodie yelling at one of the nurses. "I want to know if my wife is okay!" he shouts as we approach quickly.  
  
"Bodie – they'll tell us as soon as they know." Jo says carefully to her tense brother in law.  
  
He stops and turns to her. "Joey?"  
  
She looks at him softly. "You actually thought I wasn't going to come – didn't you?"  
  
"I know how you feel about Capeside."  
  
"She's my sister Bodie. She's all I've got left."  
  
He nods, and pulls her to him tightly. That's when I spot Alexander sitting in the corner of the small waiting room. I cross over and smile at the little boy. "Hey Alex. How's it going?"  
  
He looks up at me with tears streaming down his face. "What's wrong with Mommy?"  
  
I sit next to him and wrap my arms around him. "I don't know sweetie. I'm really sorry, but I just don't know."  
  
Part 49  
  
The nurse in admit seemed a little stunned as she told us to go to the 4th floor – surgery. I figure Jen probably told her we were coming. As we step off the elevator I see Jo and Bodie speaking with a tall doctor in crisp green scrubs.  
  
Bess's surgeon, I assume, feeling uneasy at the doctor's crisp clothes. He just changed. Those are not the scrubs he wore in surgery.  
  
I approach, and stand off to the side as the doctor speaks carefully. "Mr. Smith, your daughter is alive. She's been put on a respirator and into an incubator due to her small size, but all of her organs seem to be fully formed and active. She should be fine."  
  
Bodie nods slowly. "And my wife?"  
  
I see the surgeon breathe deeply. "We got her into the OR for the caesarean in time; the baby ended up being fine. Unfortunately, the amount of blood loss before the surgery, combined with that customarily lost during a caesarean, she coded just before your daughter was born. We were able to stabilize her briefly; unfortunately she re-coded just after we got your daughter into the incubator."  
  
"But you got her back again, right?" Bodie's face is white, and Jo is staring blankly at the surgeon.  
  
"I'm sorry Mr. Smith, Ms. Potter. We were unable to revive her the second time." The surgeon says softly.  
  
"NO!" Jo shouts as she begins to collapse. I vaguely register Bodie crossing to his son to hold him tightly as I catch Jo on the way down. She's shaking as I hold her tightly to me. "She can't be...I can't lose...Oh my God..." she chokes.  
  
"I know Jo. I'm here." I whisper softly to her.  
  
"Pacey she's –  
  
"You don't have to say it Jo." I tell her softly, tightening my hold on her as I sit on one of the couches and look at Dawson with horrified eyes.  
  
"She's gone Pace. My sister is gone. My mother is gone. My father...how am I going to tell my father that Bess is gone? I haven't seen him since I set him up for the fire. What am I going to do?"  
  
"I don't know. I'm sorry I don't have the answers for you, but I don't."  
  
"Don't leave me Pace." She says so softly I'm not sure if she actually said it.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere Jo. I'm staying right here." 


	22. For Joey

Part 50: For Joey  
  
Bodie couldn't bear to go back to the B&B, so Jen and I arranged for a cook and maid to move in. He's staying with us at my parents' house with Alex, and baby Jessica is still in the hospital. Jo and Pacey are staying at Grams' next door. We thought she might want to be alone, but she freaks out every time Pacey leaves her side.  
  
That's why he hasn't.  
  
She's going to tell her father later today. The court has granted permission for him to attend the funeral in three days.  
  
I see Jen coming and wrap my arms around her as she sits next to me. "I can't believe this is happening." She whispers.  
  
"It's killing her, isn't it?"  
  
"She just doesn't know anymore Dawson. Bess was the only thing in her life that never blew apart. No matter what else happened, she always had her sister. Everyone she's ever truly loved has left her. That's why she's clinging so hard to Pacey right now. She's afraid that if she lets him out of her sight he'll disappear."  
  
"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Andraia showing up this afternoon is probably a bad thing, isn't it?"  
  
"Why would she be coming to Capeside?"  
  
"Pacey lost the soundstage yesterday, and the Vegas shoot is scheduled to start in just under a week. Drai is having panic attacks over Pace leaving this project so suddenly."  
  
"Dawson, you need to face the fact that his leaving the film has very little to do with why your friend is upset. She's worried about Pacey and Joey getting too close."  
  
"Okay, I'll admit that's probably a big part of it. But the fact of the matter is that she's coming."  
  
"She's going to try to get Pacey away from Jo. If she does that, Jo will crack."  
  
"I know. I think I can manage to keep her away until they leave to see her dad, but Jen, they really do have to start getting ready for Vegas."  
  
"The funeral is in three days. Let her deal with that first."  
  
"You know if we were to just tell Drai to stay out of it, she would."  
  
"No, she wouldn't. Dawson, that girl is head over heels for Pacey, and she will absolutely crush Joey to get him if she has to."  
  
"Jen, that's insane. I know Drai has a crush on him, but she would never do that to Joey."  
  
"Please trust me on this Dawson."  
  
Drai is going to freak out about this, but what if Jen is right? I can't lose Joey again. I don't want Pacey to lose her again either. "Okay."  
  
"Thank you. I know she's your friend. But I just don't see it working well."  
  
I tighten my arms around her. "You're probably right Jen. You're probably right." ********* Part 51: I can't fight this feeling anymore  
  
I glance over at Pacey, who's sitting at the dining room table, working on the Vegas shoot. I get that he's trying to give me space, but the problem is, I don't want to grieve quietly. "Why does this happen to me Pace?" I ask him.  
  
He looks over, startled. "I could easily give you some bullshit about hardship making you stronger, but that's exactly what it would be – bullshit. You've been through enough, you're strong enough. The truth is Joey, I have no idea why this happens. The only thing I do know is that I'm here. You can cry, you can yell, you can even hit me if you think it'll help. Where you go, I go. For that matter, where I go, you go, because I have to be in Vegas two days early and there is no way you're staying in Capeside without me. I'm sick of not having you around me."  
  
I feel a smile spread across my face. He wants me around. I'm not a burden. "Thank you." I look at the papers carefully. "What're you doin'?"  
  
He shakes his head. "Drai emailed me. We got the Vegas shoot in two weeks, but I've only got 4 days."  
  
I scrunch my face. I don't like that girl. I don't like her one bit. She's after him. I'm sure of it. "Can I help?" I ask, walking over and sitting next to him at the table.  
  
"Mostly, I'm trying to figure out a bridge to get them married. That's the one part the studio didn't like. They don't think my sappy little scene fits with the characters."  
  
"It doesn't."  
  
"Thanks Jo. I appreciate the help." He smirks at me wryly.  
  
"I never said that was the help. I said that your sappy 'I still love you' crap would never happen with them." He locks his eyes with mine. "Why not?"  
  
I breathe deeply, and maintain eye contact. "They're too stubborn. They're going to have to be forced into it." I pause. "Vegas is the unveiling of the campaign, right?"  
  
He nods.  
  
"So Dan is back. He sees what they're trying to shove back. He makes a few calls, brings in some favours, and that night, he proposes a 'merger' of the two companies. A permanent account for the firm."  
  
"Noah and Stacey wonder what he's getting at, glancing at one another nervously, both knowing what Dan is capable of, the variety of people who owe him favours."  
  
"Dan suggests that they get married."  
  
"Right then, right there."  
  
"They're both wary, but go up on the stage –  
  
"From opposite sides –  
  
"And do it."  
  
"It could work Jo, it really could. This is something they would do."  
  
"Once they make up their minds, there's no stopping them." I whisper. What just happened? Something changed.  
  
"Absolutely nothing can stop them." He confirms.  
  
"Pacey, you're really here, right? I'm not just dreaming this? I can't – I just..." I stop, closing my eyes and dropping my head. "I don't want to fight myself anymore." I whisper. "I need you Pacey Witter. I need you back." I can't believe I just said that to him.  
  
His hand touches my face and I open my eyes to meet his gaze. "Back?" he asks carefully.  
  
I nod. "I tried to tell myself that I could go back. That I could just be your friend and that would be enough for me. But it's not. I need you so much more than that Pace. I have for so long."  
  
He wraps me in his arms tightly. "So do I Joey. I need you more everyday."  
  
I feel myself convulse in his arms. "What am I going to do without her Pacey?" I sob quietly.  
  
************** Part 52: It's time  
  
I hope this isn't just grief. I really hope she means it. "You're going to do what you do best Josephine. You're going to get up every day and tell yourself that it's beautiful out. You're going to thank God for all the wonderful things in your life, and you're going to remember how much you love Bess."  
  
"Don't ever let me forget that, okay? Don't ever let me get so mad at her that I forget I love her. Don't let me forget her like I forgot my mother for so long. Like I tried to forget you."  
  
"I won't." I tell her softly. Did she just tell me she loves me?  
  
"Yes." She whispers. "I did. I tried so hard to forget that I'm in love with you Pacey. It didn't work though."  
  
I pull back to look in her eyes. "You're..."  
  
"Still in love? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you're not going anywhere. You never really left. I'm the one who ran Pacey, I'm the one who had to come back."  
  
"I love you so much Jo." I tell her softly, kissing her lips gently.  
  
"This is going to be really really slow okay? I just lost my sister."  
  
"I can do slow."  
  
"And you can't tell Andraia about this."  
  
"Drai is one of my best friends." I say carefully.  
  
"I know that, and she seems very nice. But I don't know her – and I'm not entirely sure if I trust her."  
  
I lock eyes with her and see the steel in her eyes. "Okay." I pull her closer to me. "It's time to go."  
  
"I know." She whispers. "Five more minutes?"  
  
"You need to face him Jo. He loves her just as much as you."  
  
"I know that Pace. I just...I haven't..."  
  
"I know, but you know as well as I do – it has to be you."  
  
She buries her face in my chest. "Let's go."  
  
We stand together and I take her hand lightly as we cross to the door.  
  
*** 


	23. People in Heaven

Part 53  
Can't hurt to look, right?  
  
I step off the plane and spy the Lindley girl leaning on a fence. I approach her. "Where's Pacey?"  
  
"With Jo. Come on, you're staying at the B&B."  
  
"A Bed & Breakfast? That's so small town." How cute. "Is everyone there?"  
  
She raises an eyebrow. "Nope. Just you. Dawson's house is full, and so is my Grams'."  
  
I look at her suspiciously. "Dawson has a house here?" There is no way Dawson Leery keeps a house here.  
  
She starts walking. "It used to be his parents' house. When they decided to sell, he bought it in case he ever wanted to come back."  
  
"Right." I'll believe that when I see it. "So where exactly is this B&B?"  
  
"Down the creek a bit. Jo's brother-in-law runs it. Normally, he does the food too, but he's taking some time off to spend with Alex and Jessica." We approach a small car. "Throw your stuff in the backseat and hop in."  
  
What backseat? "Sure." I say quickly, climbing in. We ride in silence, and as we approach a small set of cabins, I realize we're there. "Nice." I say honestly.  
  
"We'd have gotten you a cabin, but it's tourist season, so the place is packed. You'll be in the main house." Jen comments as we enter.  
  
We bypass the reception desk, and the woman seated there smiles softly at Jen and I so I assume they've already checked me in. We walk up the stairs to the back and she opens a door to reveal a surprisingly spacious room. "This is beautiful."  
  
"They don't usually have guests in this room, but like I said, it's completely booked up. Don't touch anything."  
  
"Excuse me? Why can't I touch anything?" What kind of an ass-backwards business is this that I can't use the room I'm staying in?  
  
"It's Bodie's room, not a B&B room. Don't touch his stuff."  
  
"I'm sure they –  
  
"He. And yes, he would mind. His wife just died. Don't touch the pictures, don't move the mementos. If you need to work, the office is the last door on the left down the hall."  
  
"Oh." Oops. "Would you send my condolences?"  
  
"I will." She pauses. "I have to go, Dawson and I are handling the funeral arrangements."  
  
"Right." I say, watching her leave. Why would Dawson be handling the funeral arrangements for the owner of a B&B in Massachusetts? "It can't hurt to look though, right?" I whisper carefully, closing to door and moving to the first set of shelves to snoop.  
  


* * *

  
Part 54  
  
People in Heaven  
  
I don't know what to say to Alexander. How am I supposed to tell my little boy that his mother is never coming home?  
  
How am I supposed to tell Jessica that her mommy died because there were complications when she was born without her blaming herself?  
  
How am I supposed to get through their teens without her?  
  
"Bodie?"  
  
I look up to see Dawson standing in the door. "Yeah?" I'm amazed at how hoarse my voice is.  
  
"Do you mind if I sit?"  
  
"Go for it." I tell him, and he sits on the chair next to me. "What am I going to tell the kids?" I ask carefully.  
  
"Whatever you're ready to tell them. Jen and I tried to explain it to Alex a bit."  
  
"Thank you. I just...I don't know how I can do this without her."  
  
"There's not much advice I can give you. I'm not going to tell you I know what you're going through, because I don't. But I can tell you that whatever you do, wherever you go, you've got family. You've got Jo, and Pacey, Jack, Jen and I. We're not going anywhere. Anything you need, we're here."  
  
I stare at this young man before me. "When did you go and grow up Dawson?"  
  
He smiles a bit. "I don't really know about grown up, but I've learned a lot, especially since Joey blew back into my life. She's always been one for teaching me about life. I think she got it from her fantastic older sister."  
  
"Jo fought Bess every step of the way, you know? And when she dropped out of college Bess was livid."  
  
"But she made it. Bess provided everyone she met with a strength we didn't know we had inside of us. She gave that to you too. She gave that to both of her children, and she's standing up in heaven with her mother still giving that strength. I'm not saying you're ever going to stop missing her. I'm not saying it's ever going to stop hurting. But if you close your eyes, I think you'll be able to feel that strength. She's not standing here, but she's here none the less. Bodie, she's a part of every single one of us."  
  
"I don't want parts of her Dawson. I don't want to see bits and pieces of my wife in everyone she met, in everyone I know. I want her." I close my eyes. I want you back babe. Come back to me, please.  
  
Dawson sits quietly next to me, and I feel the tears come again. Come home Bess. I don't think I can do this without you. You promised you'd be here. I feel the couch bounce a bit as someone else sits down. "Dad?"  
  
I turn to look at my son, sitting next to me with concern and sadness evident in his eyes. "Come here little man." I pull him into my arms and let myself feel the comfort of one of the only true pieces of my wife I have left.  
  
"Mommy isn't coming home, is she? Uncle Dawson and Aunt Jen told me she went to heaven with Grandma Potter."  
  
"She did. She's gonna' keep a close eye on us though, so we're all going to have to be real good and make her proud."  
  
I look at his face and see tears that match my own. "I'm glad you're crying too." He says softly. "Johnny at school always says that boys don't cry."  
  
"Boys cry when it's important to cry, and when they hurt. Your mommy was the most amazing person, and we can cry about missing her whenever it feels right."  
  
"What about Jessica? She didn't really get to know her."  
  
"We're going to make sure that we tell her then. We're going to make sure that every day, we tell her something great about her mommy so that she knows how special and perfect she was."  
  
"Okay." He leans into me and I look at Dawson, who nods.  
  
"I'll go get her." He says softly, and a minute later, he hands me my beautiful baby girl.  
  
"It's just the three of us now buddy." I say to Alexander. "Aunt Joey, Uncle Pacey, Aunt Jen, Uncle Dawson and Uncle Jack are going to be around, but mostly, it's just us."  
  
"That's okay Dad. And we're not really alone. Mommy is going to be watching us, and making sure we're okay, remember? That's what people in heaven do."  
  
I feel a small smile form on my face. "You're right little man. That is what people in heaven do."  
  


* * *

  
Part 55  
Coming Together in Grief  
  
I'm eating my oatmeal when visitors are being announced, and I perk up. Five years and I still hope. Neither of them has been here since I got put back, why would they come now? I should just –  
  
"Potter, John!" the guard says from the door and I stare at him. He's kidding, right? I don't get visitors, ever.  
  
"Let's go Potter!" he shouts again, and I get up carefully, following him to the visitor's area where I get put in a relatively open room with no glass.  
  
"What's going on?" I ask him. "I thought I only had restricted visits."  
  
"They don't tell me reasons Potter, only locations. This is where I was told to bring you, so I did."  
  
"Right." I agree carefully.  
  
He leaves, and closes the door loudly. I take a seat on the fairly nice couch at the side of the surprisingly well-furnished room. The other door opens and I see my youngest daughter walk in hesitantly with the boy who brought her the last time she visited me. Pacey, I think his name was.  
  
"Hi Daddy." She whispers softly, crossing over to me.  
  
"Hey Sugar. Long time no see." I say, getting up and pulling her into a hug.  
  
I feel small tears on my shirt and bring her eyes to meet mine. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I should have visited more. We both should have."  
  
"Hey, I don't blame you baby girl. I betrayed your trust. You're here now though, so it's okay."  
  
"No, it's not. It's never going to be okay again."  
  
I move her to sit on the couch next to me and the boy sits behind her. Close, but not intruding. "Jo." He whispers.  
  
She looks at him. "I'm trying Pace, but..."  
  
"No buts Jo." He looks at me, then back to her. "Tell him."  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"I was getting ready to go on set...Bodie called me...said Bess was in labor...but it was too soon, she was supposed to have surgery...they were so careful...I caught the next plane...they were waiting...the doctors...Pacey caught me...Bodie and Alex..." she sobs loudly.  
  
I feel my nerves tighten. "Where's Bess? In the hospital?" Please God let my little girl be okay.  
  
Joey shakes her head. "They tried Daddy. They tried to save her but she lost too much blood. They knew it wasn't safe for her to deliver. That's why they had the surgery planned, but...she went into labor and by the time...by the time they got to the hospital Jessica was crowning...Daddy she's gone." She collapses against me and I feel my heart break.  
  
My baby girl is gone. What does a parent do when their child dies before them? What does a parent like me do when one of the only things they did right is taken from them? "Oh my God." I choke out, tightening my hold on Joey.  
  
She clings to me and I cling right back. "Daddy what are we going to do?"  
  
I feel the tears course down my cheeks and I meet Pacey's eyes. "I don't know little one. I really don't know." I pull back to look at her again. "But we'll figure it out together, okay? You and me against the world."  
  
She nods. "The..." she trails off and looks at Pacey, who nods, and looks back. "The funeral is in three days. Dawson and Jen are taking care of everything."  
  
I feel my heart constrict. "That's good of them." I say, trying to keep my voice even. I'm not going to get to say goodbye. I realize this and feel my heart shatter.  
  
"Daddy, you don't understand. The judge has granted you a pass. For the ceremony and...for the cemetery too."  
  
I hang my head. "I won't go to my daughter's funeral in a paddy wagon." I tell her calmly.  
  
"What about a limo, with Pacey and I?"  
  
"You know that's not –  
  
"It's already been done. You'll be escorted by two guards, no cuffs, no uniforms, they'll be wearing suits and I've been informed that they'll be respectful of our privacy. We'll introduce them as mine and Pacey's security staff if anyone asks. Please Daddy."  
  
"Why would they do this for me?"  
  
"Because you made a mistake Daddy. And according to the warden, you've recognized that and worked hard to reform. I know I should have come sooner...we both should have come...but I need you there with me Daddy. Will you come?"  
  
My baby girl. My beautiful baby girl is gone. "Of course I'll be there." I push the hair out of Joey's face. "Josephine." I whisper softly.  
  
"We're going to make it Daddy. It's going to be hard, but you and me, we're going to make it through this."  
  
"I missed you Joey."  
  
"I missed you too Daddy."  
  
*** 


	24. Stupid Little Girl It Should be Raining

**Part 56: Andraia **

**_Stupid Little Girl_**   
  
I clutch the photo angrily as I speak to the woman at the airport. "Yes, Mr. Witter would like to arrange this at the earliest possible time, he has a location shoot in Las Vegas to prepare for." How dare they not tell me about this. How dare they!  
  
"I understand that this is short notice to file a flight plan, but it is domestic." I pause. "Let me know the details as soon as you have them."  
  
"They dated! That is definitely an important piece of information. Stupid opportunistic bitch. She's taking advantage of him." I dial his cell quickly.  
  
"Witter." He answers tiredly.  
  
"Pacey?"  
  
"Andraia? What's going on?"  
  
"I've started working on chartering a plane to Vegas for us, I know you'll want to get there as soon as possible to scout sites."  
  
"I've already got a flight booked out on Thursday night with Jo, Dawson and Jen. I think we got you a flight that morning, not enough seats or something. Dawson and Jen have been dealing in details for us the last few days."  
  
I bristle. "Pacey, it's my job to make sure that you're ready for this shoot. If you don't get out there soon, you'll never get enough prep time in."  
  
"I'm not leaving until Thursday Drai. The funeral is Wednesday, and there are a few people gathering at Dawson's for an informal wake following it."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Pacey, you don't have time to go to this funeral. Why you would want to go to your ex's sister's funeral is beyond me –  
  
"What did you move?" he interrupts me quietly, nearly whispering.  
  
"What are you talking about Pacey?"  
  
"Drai, the only reason you could possibly know that Jo and I used to date is if you were messing with Bodie's things. I gave Jen specific instructions to tell you not to meddle with his things. Bess just died Drai. In childbirth. Stop playing with their things and re-arrange this little location scout of yours to fit into my timetable."  
  
"Pacey, you're over-reacting. I looked at a few pictures on a shelf." I say carefully.  
  
"I don't care what you did Drai. You're talking about someone who has done more for me than my entire family combined. I'm flying out on Thursday with my friends." The phone cuts out and I sigh.  
  
"That's what you think Witter, but I know you. If I book the plane anyways, you'll catch it just to keep from disappointing me." I smile, then glance again at the photo of Pacey and the little starlet sleeping together on a small, flowery couch. "Take that you little diva." I mutter, returning the photo to the shelf next to the prom photo of Pacey, Dawson and their little small town friends. There is no way that little girl is winning this.  
  
**Part 57: Jo**

**_It should be raining_**  
  
I woke up today to a crisp, blue sky. The sun is shining, and I think the birds are back for spring. Stupid weather. It was supposed to rain. This day should be as depressing as the events scheduled for it.  
  
I know it's crazy. I should see the clear skies and warm breeze as a gift from Bess. But I can't. I don't want to. I want the rest of the world to miss her as much as I do.  
  
I glance over at Pacey, seated quietly next to me as we make our way to the prison to pick up my father. "He got the suit?"  
  
"Yeah, he did."  
  
I nod, and reach out to take his hand. "It should be raining." I whisper.  
  
He squeezes my hand a bit. "Yeah." He agrees quietly.  
  
"I'm not ready to do this Pacey." I lean into his shoulder.  
  
"I know." He touches my chin with his other hand and pulls my head up to face him. "You're never going to be ready though."  
  
I lean into his touch. "I shouldn't have to be."  
  
"No, you shouldn't." he agrees, and flinches when his phone rings. His eyes meet mine and I nod a bit.  
  
"Go ahead." I tell him.  
  
He flips it open. "Witter...Hi Andraia...you what? I told you not to do that...I also told you that I already have a flight to Vegas, tomorrow night...no! Dammit Andraia, I said no! I don't care how many people you had to call to get this flight plan filed this quickly, I'm not leaving Capeside until tomorrow night!  
  
"Drai, I'm on my way to a funeral, I don't have the energy to do this with you right now. Cancel the charter, I'm flying out tomorrow...because I don't want to leave tonight Andraia. Stop trying to book me flights to Las Vegas, I already have one." He flips the phone shut and rubs his face.  
  
"What's up?" I ask carefully.  
  
"This is the third time in two days she's tried to put me on a private plane out of here. I keep telling her I don't want to go, but she just won't listen."  
  
"Where is she staying? I haven't seen her around."  
  
"Dawson and Jen set her up at the B&B. They figured she could work out of the office, but by being there she wouldn't be in the way."  
  
I furrow my brow. "Pace, how could they have gotten her a room? It's the middle of summer, even my room was booked."  
  
He crinkles his face and glances away.  
  
"You put her in my sister's room?" I ask. How could he? How could he put that horrible girl in my sister's room?  
  
"Jo, try to understand. We didn't want her at Dawson's, and every hotel was booked, not just the B&B. We tried everything. I tried Dougie, Gretch, hell, I called my parents. They said no. There was no other option."  
  
I stare at him. "You called your parents?" I meet his gaze, and he nods. "Everything will be back where it belongs, right?"  
  
"She flies out tomorrow morning, and Dawson is going to check the room before we leave town."  
  
I feel myself nod. "Okay."  
  
He touches my face softly. "Jo, if you want her out of there, say the word and she'll be on the plane she booked today."  
  
"Would she go?"  
  
"She'd fight it, but she'd be on that plane even if I had to tie her to the seat."  
  
"I believe you." I look out the window at the fences that seem to have grown somehow as we slow down to enter the grounds. "I still think it should be raining."


	25. Ruined Makeup

a light is a light, no matter its distance

its brilliance does not fade

its influence does not change

it remains a light

for its distance

far off they are often forgotten

they do not forget

it shines,

supports

it loves no less

guides no less

only we see it less

never forgetting, only learning

we adjust our eyes to its further vantage

**part 58**

_I've never liked funerals. Not because they're depressing, or dark, but because they're seen as an ending. They're a final step. But really, they're not the last step. A funeral is simply a remembrance. Of how the person influenced those around them, of how they continue to influence those who held them dear. In thoughts, and memories, and lessons taught. When the going was tough, when it was easy._

_Long talks in the kitchen, quick chats on the phone._

_That's what they should be remembering._

_They shouldn't be focusing on what's gone, but instead on what they still have. Their memories, their families, their friends._

_Joey knows, she's always known. She learnt young that when memories are all you have left, you have to focus on them. You can't let a lack of new memories forget the ones you have._

_Bodie hasn't learned that lesson, and I hope Joey remembers to remind him, and Alexander. Such a beautiful little boy, innocent._

_And Jessica, sweet little girl. So precious. To never know her mommy. I hope Alexander doesn't try to blame her._

_John, dear John. I never did tell him he was forgiven. I should have. Someday I might be able to. At least he has Joey now._

_She'll be their light, she'll have to be. But she's not alone anymore. He's with her again, and I'm glad. She needs him more than she'll ever admit._

_They're two of a kind. Stubborn, and loyal. They love to their very cores._

_I'll watch over them, as much as I can. As much as any of us can. I'm sure they won't notice, but I can hope they do._

_I hope they are happy, and safe. I hope they continue to love._

_My name was Bessie Potter-Smith, and that's what people in heaven do._

Part 59 

They're late. They were supposed to arrive on set ten minutes ago. Pacey is talking to some of the extras, but he doesn't seem fazed by their extreme lateness. I make my way over to him. "They're late again." I tell him. I can't believe they never got fucking fired.

He raises an eyebrow. "Relax Drai, there was some kind of wardrobe issue for Jo. They're working on it."

I sigh. "You worked that out weeks ago Pacey."

"Yes, I did. But we re-wrote the scene, and had to adjust the wardrobe. Stacey can't be wearing a black pinstripe suit when she gets married."

"Married? Pacey, the wedding scene is separate. It's a garden. With lilies." Who the fuck gets married at a shareholder meeting?

"Stacey and Noah would never sit still long enough to plan that out. At least not in the same room. They're too stubborn. They need a catalyst. An excuse to put aside what they know are ridiculous preconceptions about one another and just dive right in."

I press my fingers to my temples. "That's insane Pacey. We spent two thousand dollars on a custom made Vera Wang gown for that wedding scene. No one randomly gets married at a shareholder meeting – Vegas or not."

"Stacey and Noah would." Her voice cuts in calmly. "It's probably the only way they would ever let themselves be happy together."

I turn to face her, taking in her pale blue dress and shoes topped by a charcoal blazer. "No girl dreams of saying 'I do' in a boardroom. She would hold out for a big wedding."

"No, she wouldn't. She's a person who has seen enough pain to last three lifetimes. This is her chance to be happy. She's going to grab it."

"At a meeting?" she can't be serious.

"Wherever she has to. This is her chance. One of those life-defining moments you can't get back. She's turned away from them before only to be miserable, and she won't do it again."

"Noah wouldn't let her do this. He wouldn't do this."

Pacey scoffs. "Of course he would. For as long as he can remember, all he's wanted is her. And he never backs down from a challenge." He turns to Joey. "Ready?"

"Let's finish this." She smiles and walks towards the main table on set.

I grab Pacey's arm. "Pacey, listen to me, this isn't –

"Drai, stop it." He says calmly. "I know you don't like Jo. You don't have to like her. But she's right. This is how it has to happen. This is who they are. Stop trying to turn this movie into something its just **_not_**." He jogs over to Dawson and Joey, and they talk briefly.

That's when I see it. He's happy. I've never seen it before. And it's because of her. "Damnit." I whisper.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" the blonde's voice says from next to me.

"What do you want?" I ask abruptly, trying to get her to leave.

"Just to listen." I glance over at her and realize she's smiling softly at me. "You finally saw it, huh?"

"Why didn't he say anything?"

"Neither of them every really talked about what happened. They both just sort of shut down. When Jo ran into Dawson at the airport, it scared the shit out of them both. They didn't know where to go, what to do. And then Bess died."

_What does that have to do with anything?_ "So?"

She nods towards Joey on set. "Bess was Jo's rock. The one person who had never let her down. When she died, Jo's world was upended, and the only person who has ever been able to pull her out of that is Pacey."

"I just don't **_get_** it."

"That just it Andraia. None of us do either. We do know that they don't really function very well apart. But they've both always been very private people. Everyone around them sees **_precisely_** what they're supposed to see. It's very rare that anything else ever gets through. They're not like that together. In high school, people used to watch them. She was the Ice Queen, and he was the class clown; except when they thought no one was watching them. When they thought they were alone, she let herself cry; and he let his emotions about his family out too." She pauses. "Dawson and Pacey are convinced you're a good person. You've seen them together now; can you leave it alone?"

I look back at them as he leaves her side. "I don't think I have a choice." I whisper.

"Good." She extends her hand suddenly. "I'm Jen, it's nice to meet you."

I stare at her incredulously, then shake my head smiling. "I'm Andraia, my friends call me Drai."

Part 60 A few months later 

"Jo! Hurry up! We're going to be late!" Pacey's voice sounds from the living room.

I smile, and slide my earring into my ear, glancing critically at my reflection. "Relax Pace, we have time!" I call back, stepping out of our room.

"No, we don't Jo! The limo just pulled – whoa." He stops moving and stares at me.

I glance down at my floor length dress and smile. "You like?"

He nods slowly and moves closer. "Jo, I always like."

I reach forward and flatten his jacket carefully. "Pacey, you need to breathe babe. You made an amazing film. They're going to love it."

"What if they don't? Jo, everything I am is in this movie." He whispers.

"Pacey, trust me. They're going to love it."

He touches his forehead to mine and meets my eyes. "You sound so sure."

I smile. "I have a reason to be." I tilt my head to the door. "We should get gone, or we'll be late."

His face cracks with a smile. "Who's fault is that?"

I shrug. "Yours. You're the ball of stress." I grab his hand and pull him out towards the car.

He stops me before we climb in. "Jo, I'm in love with you."

"And I'm in love with you too." I move to kiss him but he stops me.

"Will you marry me?"

I freeze, and lift my eyes to his again. "Are you serious?"

"I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of our lives." He says softly.

I feel the warmth spread from his eyes through my entire body, and smile. "You'd damn well better."

"Is that's a yes?"

"Think of it as more of a resounding 'hell yes'."

"Thank God." He pulls a small box out of his jacket and hands it to me. "Now I can give you this."

I open the box and stare at the familiar ring. "Is this?"

"Your mother's engagement ring. I know we were looking at fancier ones, but…" he slides the ring on my finger. "This felt right."

I feel tears streak down my cheeks. "I'm ruining my makeup Witter." I whisper.

I look up into his eyes as his hands cup my face. "**_So_** worth it." He whispers back, touching his lips to mine softly. "We really do have to go now though. We've officially crossed into extremely late."

I nod, and we slide into the limo. "Ready?" the driver asks.

I smile up at him. "For anything."


End file.
